


where you invest your love you invest your life

by madisonrene



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Genderqueer Character, Kid Fic, M/M, Slow Burn, effeminate!tyler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:31:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madisonrene/pseuds/madisonrene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Holy shit Segs did you kidnap a baby?”</p><p>Jamie and Jordie are looking at Tyler, identical confused looks on their faces.</p><p>“Tyler?” Jamie walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Whose kid is this?”</p><p>Tyler closes his eyes before he murmurs, “Mine.”</p><p> </p><p>Tyler learns how to be a parent and falls in love along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. let the wild rumpus start

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in months (thanks depression) but i'm finallly back to writing so yay!! hopefully i can continue on this writing streak and manage to update this
> 
> of course i know absolutely nothing about child custody and all that so if i messed something up sorry im just a girl tryin to do my best
> 
> Title from "Awake My Soul" by Mumford and Sons, which happens to be my favorite of their songs.

Tyler falls out of bed when he hears a knock at the door. A quick glance at his phone tells him it's 7:30 AM. He scrubs his hand over his face and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. Whoever is knocking on his door is about to get their ass kicked.

Tyler reaches the door and opens it. The bright morning sun shines on his face and he squints to save his eyes. When they finally adjust, he sees a woman and a child standing on his front porch. Tyler just stares at them and frowns.

The woman clears her throat before saying, “Mr. Seguin?”

Tyler’s eyes widen. “Uh, yeah? I mean, that’s me?” Tyler bites his lip.

The woman smiles. “Great. May we come in?”

Tyler nods and opens the door.

 He leads them into the living room. Realizing he doesn’t have a shirt on, Tyler snags a sweatshirt from the back of his couch. After he pulls it over his head, he sits on the couch opposite the woman and the boy. Tyler gets a chance to look at the boy. He hasn’t said anything and looks like he’s on the verge of tears.

“Uh, I’d offer you a drink, but I basically only have beer and protein shakes.” The woman raises her eyebrows before Tyler continues, “Not to be forward, but what exactly are you doing here? And how did you know where I live?”

The woman sits up straight. “Well, Mr. Seguin, I don’t know any other way to tell you this than to just say it. This is Max. He’s your son.”

Tyler freezes and his eyes go wide. He feels his stomach churn as he looks back and forth between the boy and the woman a few times before shaking his head. “No. No way. I mean, I’m careful!”

The woman purses her lips before continuing, “Do remember a woman named Hannah Graham?”

Tyler feels the blood leave his face. “Yes?” he croaks. Please let this be a bad dream.

“Well, as you know, you and Ms. Graham had…relations.” She looks down at the boy – Max – when she says this.

“Right.” Tyler looks down at his hands.

“And she got pregnant.”

“Okay but she never told me that?” Tyler suddenly wishes he wasn’t wearing a full sweat suit. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Well, unfortunately Ms. Graham has passed.” Tyler glances at Max, who is clutching a stuffed animal and looking up at Tyler with watery eyes. Tyler feels his heart swell.

“So I have custody then?”

“Yes. You are his only living family member, immediate family anyway. The closest living relative to Ms. Graham was her mother’s sister.”

Tyler sucks in a breath. “I’m a dad,” he whispers.

“Mr. Seguin, I have to tell you I was informed of the reason you were kept in the dark about the child and while I don’t approve I thought you might like to know?”

Tyler considers for a moment before saying, “No, it’s not necessary. Also, I’m pretty sure I can guess.” He catches the woman inspecting his painted toenails and curls them underneath his feet.

Changing the subject, Tyler asks, “Um, how old is he?”

“Three. Max? This is Tyler.” The woman gestures in Tyler’s direction. Max nods, but doesn’t look up.

“It’ll take a while. He might not understand at first.” Tyler nods.

They talk for a few more minutes about details, the woman explaining the legal steps they have to take. Tyler wishes that Jamie was there to pay attention because his head is swimming. When the woman finally leaves, Tyler walks back over to Max.

Realizing he has no idea what to do, Tyler calls Jamie. It rings a few times before a groggy Jamie answers, “What the fuck Segs? It’s not even nine.”

“I know. Trust me, I don’t want to be awake any more than you do. But I need you – your help I mean. Bring Jordie.” Tyler hangs up before Jamie asks questions. This will be easier to explain in person. Probably.

Tyler puts the phone down and looks at Max. He’s staring at Marshall and Cash, who have been watching the whole scene carry out from behind a baby gate.

“Do you like dogs?” Tyler asks. Max nods. Tyler gets up and opens the gate. Marshall and Cash attack Max with face kisses. Max giggles and Tyler smiles. Max has the same grin that Tyler has seen on himself in dozens of pictures.

Marshall and Cash settle down a bit and Max sits on the floor, petting both of them while keeping his stuffed animal close. Tyler leaves for a moment to grab some socks. He hears a knock and sprints back to the living room. Before Tyler can reach the door, Jamie walks in, followed by Jordie and Jason.

“Okay Segs what did you drag us out of bed at eight am on a Saturday for?” Jason hollers as he walks in. He stops when he sees Max. “Holy shit Segs, did you kidnap a baby?”

Jamie and Jordie are looking at Tyler, identical confused looks on their faces.

“Tyler?” Jamie walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Whose kid is this?”

Tyler closes his eyes before he murmurs, “Mine.”

Jason laughs and Jordie punches him. He scowls and says, “What? Come on, he’s not serious!”

Tyler sighs, “I am?” His voice squeaks. He’s been avoiding looking at Jamie, but he can’t help himself. Tyler’s expecting a captainly glare, but instead Jamie is frozen, staring at Max. Jordie walks over and pokes Jamie in the side. Jamie starts and looks at Tyler.

“So, what’s the story?”

“It’s long, but the short version is I got a girl pregnant who ended up hating me so she didn’t tell me and then she died.”

Jordie punches him, “Dude, your kid is right there. And he definitely heard you.” Tyler turns around to look at Max. He’s stopped petting the dogs and is squeezing the life out of his stuffed animal. Tyler cringes.

He looks at Jordie, “I can’t do this man. I’m clearly not cut out for this!”

Jordie grabs him by the shoulders, “Pull yourself together dude.”

Jamie speaks up, “What are your options?”

“Should we really be having this conversation in front of the kid?” Jordie asks. They all look over at Max, who is staring at them, on the verge of tears.

“I got it!” Jason bounces over to Max and sits down next to him, waving his hand towards the others.

Jordie, Jamie, and Tyler move into the kitchen. Tyler starts pacing back and forth.

“Tyler, please calm down. You’re freaking me out.” Jamie looks green.

“You’re freaking out? I just found out I have a  _kid.”_  Tyler is barely speaking above a whisper, but he feels like he’s screaming.

“Yeah, Tyler about that. What are you gonna do?” Jordie somehow takes control of the situation.

“I only have one option, guys. His mom is dead, her parents are dead. He doesn’t have anyone else.”

Jordie and Jamie exchange a look before Jordie speaks up, “Are you sure you’re ready for this, Tyler? Like, no offense but I had to drive you home last week because you were so drunk you couldn’t walk.”

“I know! Okay? I know I’m not anyone’s first choice as a parent, but I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna buck the fuck up and take care of this kid.” Tyler surprises himself. He hadn’t really fully committed to this in his head, but he knows what he has to do.

“Okay. So we’re doing this then.” Jordie is grinning.

“We?” Tyler looks up at him.

“Dude, I’m not letting you raise that kid alone. First of all he’s cute as fuck. And we’re your friends. We’re not gonna abandon you.”

Tyler looks at Jamie, who has barely said anything, “Jame? Please say something.”

Jamie looks up, “Sorry, I’m just still in shock.” He smiles weakly and Tyler is somewhat relieved.

They all return to the living room to find Jason with Max sitting in his lap. Jason is reading a book to him, doing all sorts of silly voices. He stops when they walk in.

“We’ll finish this later, okay buddy?” Max nods.

Jason gets up and walks over to Jordie and Tyler. Jamie goes over to Max, introducing himself as he sits down.

“So what’s the deal?” Jason asks.

“Tyler’s a daddy and we’re uncles!!” Jordie says.

Tyler rolls his eyes before turning to Jason. “Has he said anything yet?”

Jason shakes his head, “He just grabbed a book out of his backpack and handed it to me. He’s kinda freaked out.”

Tyler walks over to the couch where Jamie and Max are sitting. Realizing he hadn't talked to him much, he crouches in front of Max. “Hey buddy. I know this is weird for you; it’s weird for me too. But we’re gonna figure this out.” Max just keeps staring at him.

Jamie puts his arm around Max, “It’sh gonna be okay.” He blushes at his lisp, but Max looks up at him with wide eyes.

“Jamie’sh like me,” he mumbles.                     

Jamie looks at Max with a glint in his eye and smiles. “Yeah buddy, I’m like you.”

Tyler is so busy admiring Jamie with his son that he almost doesn’t catch the way Jordie and Jason are looking at each other. Tyler raises his eyebrows, but Jordie just shrugs. From that moment on, Max doesn’t let Jamie out of his sight. He still hasn’t spoken to Tyler, but he continues pulling on Jamie’s arm and then whispering in his ear.

//

Eventually, they have to leave Tyler’s house. Jordie points out that he doesn’t have any food, let alone a place for Max to sleep. It takes them hours and plenty of googling to figure out everything they need.

Tyler caves and calls his mom, even though he had been trying to put it off. Of course, she’s thrilled and somehow completely avoids asking all of the obvious questions. Tyler’s pretty sure she’s just happy that she’s got a kid to spoil again. Feeling somewhat affronted at being replaced as Mom’s favorite, Tyler ends the call as soon as he can, but not before his mom promises to come down as soon as she can.

They wander around Target for twenty minutes before Jason throws his hands up in the air and goes to get someone who works there. Max remains attached to Jamie. Tyler has to admit, it’s pretty cute to watch Jamie hold Max’s hand. Jamie’s hands are so big that Max is basically just holding onto his thumb.

Tyler tries to have Max pick out his room decorations and some clothes, but Max just looks at him. Tyler ends up letting Jason and Jordie pick out half the stuff, only interjecting when he disapproves. Jason and Tyler almost end up wrestling in the bedding aisle because Jason really likes the airplane sheets, but Tyler saw Max staring at the Mickey Mouse sheets. Tyler pulls the dad card and definitely does not stick his tongue out at Jason when Max grins at the sheets.

Clothes are an entirely different story. None of them know anything about sizing and Tyler is ready to buy one of everything in the store just to be safe. Jordie stares at him for a moment before pulling the tag out of Max’s shirt and picking up clothes in the proper size. Tyler considers going over to the girls’ section, but ultimately decides not to. He doesn’t need the guys to ask any questions.

Jamie has a list of things they need from some mommy blog pulled up on his phone, “So, we should get him some toys right? I think he’s just got his monster.”

Tyler tries to get Max to pick out some toys, but he just clings to Jamie’s leg. Jamie leans down and whispers something in his ear and Max starts to walk around the toy section, occasionally stopping to hold up a toy to Tyler and say, “Pease?” Tyler suddenly forgets how to say no.

They end up filling the bed of Jordie’s truck with supplies.

“I’m pretty sure I own stock in Target with the amount of money I just spent,” Tyler groans.

“Dude, you make like five million dollars  _a year._ ” Jordie flicks his ear.

“I know. I just didn’t know kids were so expensive.”

It only takes two trips for the four of them to get everything in Tyler’s house. They set Max up in the bedroom across from Tyler’s and get to work putting furniture together. They spend the remainder of the day getting Max’s bedroom set up. Max spends most of this time watching from the doorway, occasionally entering the room to say something to Jamie before walking out again.

By the time they finish the room, all of them are too exhausted to cook. They order a pizza and Jason has to beg Max to tell him what kind of pizza he likes. Tyler starts to worry that Max isn’t talking much and relays his worries to Jordie.

 Jordie just shrugs and says, “He’s probably just freaked out, Segs. He’s suddenly surrounded by four huge dudes. I’d be kinda freaked out too. Maybe a little turned on.” He winks and Tyler punches his shoulder.

Everyone leaves around ten when Tyler notices Max yawn for the fourth time in a row. Tyler’s mom had told him that kids fall asleep faster if you give them a bath before bed, so Tyler ushers Max into his bathroom with his new toys.

“Okay, bud. We gotta get you clean, then you can get in your new clean bed. How’s that sound?” Max stares at him. Tyler sighs. He’s definitely not cut out for this.

Bath time is uneventful and Tyler gets Max into his Spiderman pajamas without much struggle. He follows Max into his room and helps him get tucked in.

As he’s about to leave he hears Max whimper.

“What’s wrong bud? I got the night light plugged in for you over there.”

Max looks down at his blanket and says, “Shtory.”

“You want me to read you a story?” Max nods. Tyler grabs the pile of books Jordie had forced into the cart and brings them over to Max. “Alright bud, which one?”

Max looks through them and picks out  _Where the Wild Things Are_. Tyler puts the rest of them on the floor and looks at the book.

 “Hey, your monster guy is in this book.” Tyler pokes Max’s stuffed animal. Max smiles a little and Tyler begins to read.

“The night Max wore his wolf suit,” Tyler pauses for a second. “I think I know why you like this one,” he smiles at Max, who hides his face behind his monster.

Tyler starts over, “The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another his mother called him ‘WILD THING!’.”

Tyler looks down at Max, who looks disappointed. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re ‘posed ta do voices,” Max says mumbles.

 Tyler thinks for a second and starts over, growling and grring at what he thinks are the appropriate moments. Max seems to enjoy the book and Tyler’s reading of it.

Once the book is over, Tyler puts it down on the nightstand and turns off the lamp. Max’s eyes are heavy and he’s falling back onto his pillows. Tyler looks down at him before leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead.

Tyler reaches the door before he turns back and says, “Goodnight, Wild Thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure how i feel about this, i know it's mostly exposition...would love your comments!!
> 
> shoutout to [jacksmannequinn](http://ughhgghg.tumblr.com/), [nuanta](http://wheelofdawn.tumblr.com/), and [seasonelements](http://tooemotionallyinvolvedingoalies.tumblr.com/) for beat-ing this. they were my saviors tbh
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://dartheighter.tumblr.com/)


	2. plant your hope with good seeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY chapter two!!!!!! I actually took the time to edit this and didn't immediately post it when i was done writing so there's way less typos (probably)
> 
> (also i edited quite a bit of chapter one, so you may want to go back and reread it. this shouldn't happen again i swear)
> 
> chapter title from thistle and weeds by mumford and sons

Taking care of a child is way harder than Tyler could have ever imagined. He had thought he knew what the hardest parts would be, but he was so wrong. He hadn’t anticipated all of the responsibilities of being a dad.  Max hadn’t been there for two days and Tyler had already cleaned up puke twice and burnt food every time he tried to cook it. After the third night of ordering take out, Tyler resolved to learn how to cook. He was pretty sure that kids aren’t supposed to eat pizza and egg rolls every day.

It had only taken Max a day or so to get comfortable talking and interacting with everyone. Of course he had gotten comfortable with Jamie after about two seconds, but Jason and Jordie followed soon after. They had both insisted that Max call them ‘uncle’ and Tyler had quietly excused himself to wipe his eyes. Max was still hesitant around Tyler, often starting a sentence before quickly turning to whisper into Jamie’s ear instead. Tyler tried not to be too offended, but every time Max chose to talk to Jamie instead of him, he felt an ache in his heart.

Tyler had tried to hide his feminine clothing and makeup from Max for all of two days before giving up. Max was around all the time and Tyler was starting to feel less and less like himself. After three separate anxiety attacks, Tyler decided it was better to just let it go. After all, it was probably better if Max’s sole guardian wasn’t constantly worrying. The first day he wore some leggings and a sequin top around the house, Max had just looked at him, smiled, and said, “Pretty,” before turning back to his Legos.  After that, it seemed like Max relaxed around Tyler, even if he hadn’t started calling him dad yet.

Tyler’s heart gets full when he realizes that at least he can still be himself at home. His three year old doesn’t give a fuck what gender is supposed to wear what clothing.

Tyler sets up a deal with Jason and Jordie to watch Max while he goes to work out with Jamie. He had hired a nanny, but wasn’t 100% comfortable using her all the time. Jason and Jordie love getting their own time with Max anyway.

Tyler returns home one day to find Max and his entire kitchen table covered in paint, Jordie and Jason nowhere to be found. When he looks up, Max squeals, “TYLER! Look what I made!”

Tyler eyes widen before he says, “Wow, bud. That sure is something. Uh, where’s the other two? Uncle Jordie and Jason?”

Max keeps painting and waves towards the stairs. “They shaid ‘be good for few minutes' sho I made you a pretty picture.”

“That’s great buddy. I love it. Next time we should try to get less of it on the table though. Come here, let’s get you cleaned up and go murder your uncles for leaving you alone.” Max giggles even though Tyler’s pretty sure he doesn’t know what he said. At least he hopes.

Tyler gets Max undressed and sitting in a bubble bath before he goes to try to figure out where Jason and Jordie ran off to. As he’s walking down the hall, he hears a noise from his bedroom. He opens the door and is surprised to see Jordie kneeling on the floor in front of Jason, who is groaning with his head thrown back.

He stares in shock for a second before yelling, “Really you guys?!” Jordie jumps back from Jason and Tyler gets a full view of Jason’s dick.

Shielding his eyes, he calls out, “Put your fucking clothes on assholes,” and closes the door.

Tyler returns to the bathroom to find Jamie bathing Max. He stands in the doorway and leans his head against the frame, watching them. “I didn’t hear you come in,” he says softly.

“Got here a few minutes ago and heard someone splashing around in here.” Jamie tickles Max as he talks. Max squeals, “Tyler! My Jamie’sh here!” Tyler grins at him. Max had started calling Jamie ‘My Jamie’ after the first night. The first time he had heard it, Jamie had smiled bigger than Tyler had ever seen.

“You’ll never guess what your brother did when he was supposed to be watching my son.” Jamie gives Tyler a concerned look. “He and Uncle Jason were…” Tyler motions a blowjob with his hands.

“Do you really think that’s better than saying it? He could start walking around doing that.”

“Better than him walking around saying blowjob. Are you not at all concerned that your brother was sucking his D partner’s dick?”

Jamie doesn’t look up. “I knew there was something going on. I don’t make it a habit to question Jordie about his sex life, anyway.”

Tyler hears a door open behind him and turns around. “Ah, if it isn’t the world’s worst babysitters!” He smirks at them.

Jordie flushes a bright red, but Jason is just grinning. “Sorry buddy. When ya gotta do it, ya gotta do it!”

Tyler grabs him in a headlock and says, “Just don’t fuck when you’re supposed to be watching my kid.” He lets him out. “And you’re buying me a new kitchen table, asshole.”

“What? Why?”

“Because while you two were busy not watching my child he took it upon himself to paint it. With his hands.”

Max giggles from inside the bathroom and Tyler suddenly forgets why he was mad.

Tyler gets Max dressed and into his bedroom. He demands that Jason read his story this time. Tyler pouts and asks, “Don’t you like my reading?”

Max bites his lip before he says, “Yesh, but I like uncle Jashon’s voices.”

Tyler clasps a hand on his chest and says, “I understand. I’ll just go.” He wipes away an imaginary tear and makes a big show of sniffling loudly.

Max grabs his legs and looks up, “NO don’t cry!”

Tyler grins widely before scooping Max up and proclaiming, “Gotcha!”

Max shrieks, “You faked!” as he grabs Tyler’s cheeks. He pokes him on the nose. “Dat’sh mean! No fakes!”

“Sorry buddy. That wasn’t very nice, was it?”

Tyler remembers that they aren’t alone in the room and looks up. Jamie is watching him with a strange look in his eyes. Jordie and Jason have settled on the floor, Jason impatiently jiggling his leg. He sees Tyler look at him and says, “Hey buddy I think it’s my turn now.” He winks at Max, who giggles.

“Alright let’s get this rowdy child into bed.” Tyler plops Max down and gets him tucked in. He presses a light kiss to Max’s hair and steps back.

Jamie and Jordie take their turns saying goodnight as Jason climbs into Max’s bed. After one last goodnight, they retreat to the living room as Jason starts to read.

Jordie and Jamie take the couch while Tyler sits cross legged in his favorite armchair. They sit in comfortable silence for a moment before Jamie speaks up.

“So Tyler, when are you going to tell management about this? It’s been a week already and you know it’s better to rip the band aid off.” Tyler tries not to focus on the fact that Jamie called him Tyler instead of Segs. He’d been doing that a lot lately and Tyler had to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t good enough for Jamie.

He shakes the thought from his head and sucks in a breath. “Yeah, you’re right. I was thinking about it last night.”

“Call Nill now before you change your mind.” Jamie uses his Captain Voice and Tyler can’t say no.

He steps into the kitchen and dials the number with shaky hands. He fumbles through apologies about the late hour and gets to the point. He doesn’t say what the meeting is about; just that he needs to meet with Jim and a few other people. Then he calls his agent and fills him in. To his credit, his agent takes the news well. Tyler supposes it isn’t the worst news he could have brought him.

Unsurprisingly, Tyler has trouble falling asleep that night. He keeps thinking about all the eventual headlines when the news breaks. _Tyler Seguin, ultimate playboy forgot to wrap his dick and now has a kid_ or _You’ll Never Guess What Tyler Seguin Did This Time!._ With his luck the reporters wouldn’t be that kind. His chest gets tight just thinking about it. He’d been trying so hard to be good and keep up a good image.

The next morning is a disaster. The nanny calls in sick with the flu and everyone else has training or other obligations. So Tyler goes to his meeting to disclose the fact that he has a child while carrying said child.

When Tyler walks into the room, everyone’s eyes widen. He tries to play it cool like it’s not a big deal, but that’s never been his strong suit.

“Hey, guess what? I have a kid!” His agent glares.

Nill’s eyes widen before he breaks the silence. “Tyler, why don’t you and…?”

“Max.”

“Why don’t you and Max have a seat so we can talk about this?”

Tyler sits down and prepares for the worst. Max is completely oblivious, playing with his dinosaurs on the table.

In the end, it’s not nearly as terrible as Tyler had expected. No one is angry and there don’t seem to be any consequences. The only negative is that Tyler will definitely have to do a lot of press. He doesn’t want to think about any more potential headlines.

When they exit the office, Tyler and Max meet Jamie and Jordie leaving from their workout. Tyler notices Spezza walk out behind them. He stops when he sees Max.

“Who’s this guy?” He crouches in front of Max, who hides behind Tyler’s legs.

“It’s Max. He’s…uh…my son.”

Spezza looks up at Tyler. “Seriously?” Tyler nods. “Good for you man! Take it from me, kids make life a hundred times better.” He claps Tyler on the shoulder and walks away.

Tyler has to make yet another Target run before heading home and Jamie, Jordie, and Jason tag along. Tyler had originally planned on going in for a few things and heading home, but Jason immediately derails that plan.  Jason leads Max all over the store, goofing off and being rowdy the whole time. Jordie watches the spectacle with a mix of awe and adoration on his face.

They finally make it to the checkout lane and start to load up the belt with groceries. For a split second, no one is watching Max. Then Tyler turns around and sees that Max’s pants are around his ankles and he’s facing the people in line behind them.

“Max!” Tyler’s neck feels prickly and his face gets hot.

Max just giggles and says, “What! These people need to shee my penis!”

Jason is laughing hysterically and Tyler wants to punch him. He looks to Jamie for help and he is (of course) completely useless.

Tyler is about to grab Max when Jordie speaks. “Max! Put your pants back on. Now.” Max freezes, eyes wide, and he quickly yanks his pants up. Jordie holds eye contact and orders, “Apologize.”

Max looks at the ground and says, “I’m shorry,” to the couple behind them. Through their laughter, they assure him everything is fine and he turns back around.

Jordie looks disapprovingly at Tyler. “This is your fault you know.”

“How is this my fault?!”

“You hardly ever wear clothes, Segs. It was bound to rub off on him,” Jordie says as he holds back a smirk.

Tyler composes himself enough to pay the shocked teenager working the register and hurry out of the building. When they finally get back to Tyler’s place, they take Max into the living room to have a talk.

Tyler tries first, “Max, how come you did that in the store?” Max just looks down at his feet.

Jordie kneels in front of Max and looks at him at eye level. “Buddy, you know you can’t do that anymore, right?”

Max nods.

“Okay, how come you did it in the first place?” Jordie waits for Max to respond.

Max mumbles something and Tyler strains to hear him. “Speak up please,” Jordie prompts. How did he get so good at this?

“I jusht wanted to be like Tyler,” he says, slightly louder.

The other three turn to look at Tyler before he asks Max, “What do you mean bud? How do you want to be like me?”

Max hops off the couch and walks over to the bookcase at the edge of the living room. He pulls a magazine off the shelf and brings it back, setting it in Jordie’s lap. It’s the ESPN Body Issue. Jason snorts before rolling on the ground and cackling. Jamie is biting his fist and Jordie just rolls his eyes and sighs.

Horrified, Tyler pulls Max into his lap and says, “I did that for a very special reason and I did it in private. Not at the store. You can’t do that at the store, honey. Do you understand?” He says, keeping his voice level and soft so he doesn’t upset Max.

Max nods and mumbles very softly, “I’m shorry.”

Tyler pulls him into a hug and says, “It’s okay, buddy. Just please never do that again.” Max nods in agreement and slides off Tyler’s lap and onto the couch.

As he’s getting up to head to the kitchen, Tyler stops and turns back around to face Max. “Hey honey, how come you listened to Uncle Jordie at the store, but you didn’t listen to me?”

Max scrunches his face. “He hash a beard,” he says, as if that explains everything.

“I have a beard too,” Tyler points out.

“Yeah, but Uncle Jordie has a _real_ beard.”

This causes the guys to break into laughter again and Jordie sticks his tongue out at Tyler. Tyler shakes his head and goes into the kitchen.

When he gets there he realizes Jordie followed him. He has a worried expression on his face.

“What’s up?” Tyler asks him.

“I just want to make sure I’m not overstepping. With Max.” Jordie looks down at the floor as he speaks.

Tyler shakes his head. “Honestly, I can’t be mad about it. You, Jason, and Jamie have helped so much. I’m nothing but grateful.” He pauses for a moment. “To be honest I’m just waiting until I inevitably fuck everything up.”

Jordie’s head snaps up. “Don’t ever think that. You’re so much more than you can see, Segs. Anyway, we’d never let anything bad happen to you guys.”

“Thanks. I’m so fucking lucky I’ve got you guys to help.”

Jordie nods. “Please don’t think I’m trying to take the father role or anything. It’s just…” He stops for a second and his cheeks flush. Tyler leans back on the counter and motions for him to continue.

Jordie sighs. “Okay, don’t make fun of me. Way back when you came to Dallas and you were just a troublemaker, I promised Jamie I’d have your back. No offense, but we both kind of thought you might need some support. Anyway, I’ve felt protective of you since then and I guess that’s how I feel about Max now.”

Tyler‘s eyes feel wet as Jordie comes over and puts his arm around Tyler’s shoulders. Searching for the right words, Tyler manages to whisper, “Thank you,” and Jordie pulls him in for a hug.

When they part, Jordie looks right into Tyler’s eyes. “Don’t forget. We’re here for you no matter what. And the little guy too. We’re family now.” This prompts Tyler to cry more and Jordie pulls him into another hug.

Tyler has a lump in his throat. He’d never felt this kind of love before. Sure, his Boston buddies had his back if he got into a fight or trouble, but he really couldn’t see any of them stepping up like the Benns and Jason had. Jordie was right. They are a family now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise there's more e!tyler on its way!!!!
> 
> as always comments are appreciated!
> 
> shoutout to [Liz](http://ughhgghg.tumblr.com/), [Steph](http://wheelofdawn.tumblr.com/), and [Emily](http://tooemotionallyinvolvedingoalies.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this. (especially steph who wrote so many comments and corrections that i almost cried)
> 
> come scream at me on [tumblr](http://dartheighter.tumblr.com/)


	3. i'll do it all for you in time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow wow i finished this chapter way faster than i thought i would
> 
> heads up: there's some coming out in this chapter and vague references to depression-like symptoms
> 
> title from ed sheeran's "lego house" (it's not mumford and sons!!!)

The first time Max calls Tyler dad comes about a month into the season. The Stars had gone on a week long stint of away games and it was the longest amount of time Tyler had spent away from Max so far. He had been worried the whole time and he kept calling the nanny to check in. She had taken to texting him hourly updates just to cut down on the amount of calls.

When they return from their trip, the guys decide to hang out at Tyler’s because they all really missed Max.  Tyler and Jamie have barely stepped over the threshold when they hear yelling coming from the living room.

“Daddy’sh home! Daddy’sh home! Daddy’sh home!” Max comes sprinting down the hall, tripping over his own feet. He runs straight into Tyler’s legs, holding on tightly, and Tyler freezes, eyes wide.

“Ty? You okay?” Jamie elbows him in the side.

Tyler runs a hand through his hair and whispers, “He called me Daddy.”

Jamie’s eyes soften and he grins back at Tyler. Behind them, Jason pumps his fist into the air and Jordie lets out a whoop.

Tyler doesn’t let go of Max for the rest of the night.

Tyler decides to spend the entire next day with just him and Max. He feels like their relationship has reached a whole new level and he wants to celebrate.

They spend the whole day at home in their pajamas. Max is wearing his favorite monster pajamas and Tyler takes the opportunity to wear his favorite nightgown. Every time he wears it, Max runs his fingers over the silky fabric and smiles and today is no exception. Tyler goes to bed that night feeling on top of the world.

His mood is crushed the next day when he remembers he has a press conference. He’d been able to convince management to give him some time, but he was going to have to face it eventually.

He decides to wear a suit for the press conference. Once he gets it on, he looks in the mirror. Tugging at the sleeves, he can’t help but wish he was wearing his favorite dress instead. He looks mournfully at his closet before going to get Max ready.

As Tyler is trying to get Max dressed, he receives a phone call. The nanny has a family emergency and is unable to make it. She apologizes profusely and Tyler assures her that it’s fine. When he hangs up, he realizes he’s left with only one option.

He packs a bag for Max and heads to the AAC. Thankful that he’s ahead of schedule, Tyler heads to the locker room where he finds Jamie and Jordie getting dressed.

Max screeches when he sees them and runs straight into Jordie’s legs.

“Hey guys,” Tyler says as he sets his stuff down.

Jamie nods in his direction. “Don’t you have press today?”

Tyler sighs, “Yeah. Nanny had a family emergency, so here we are.”

“What are you gonna do with him during practice?” Jordie asks as Max shoves his hands into his beard.

“I don’t know. I thought about just strapping him to my back and skating around,” Tyler jokes. Max’s eyes get wide.

“You know, I bet you could get the trainers to watch him for a while. He’s a good kid,” Jordie says.

Tyler nods and takes Max to find his potential babysitters. The trainers seem pretty excited to hang out with Max, though they’re probably just happy to be able to be around someone other than smelly hockey players.

He meets Jim Nill in a conference room and heads to face the media. The moment he enters the room, it turns into chaos. No one knows why they were called there, just that it had to do with Tyler Seguin. They’re all just itching to break the latest scandal.

Nill gets their attention and asks them to be quiet. “Tyler has an announcement he’d like to share.” Nill nods at him.

Tyler takes a deep breath and says, “I have a son.”

He had tried planning things to say the night before, but had ended up trashing the whole idea. He hated the media and wanted this session to be as short as possible.

The moment the words leave his lips, reporters are waving their hands in the air. The questions seem to last for an eternity.

Tyler leaves the press conference exhausted and annoyed. He finally makes it to practice and is grateful for the distraction. As he skates around to warm up he sees Max behind the glass, sitting with a trainer. He’s waving wildly at Tyler. Tyler’s mood lifts as he skates up to the glass and waves back at Max.

He doesn’t allow himself to get too distracted and only misses one pass when he hears Max yelling at him from across the rink. Tyler grins as the trainer tries to quiet him down.

Once practice is over, Tyler heads to the locker room where he finds Max waiting.

“Hey buddy, remember how we were gonna learn to skate?” Tyler asks as he reaches Max.

Max nods enthusiastically.

“Well, how about we do that today?”

Max squeals. Tyler gets Max dressed in his brand new skates fairly quickly. He pulls a tiny Seguin jersey he had bought earlier in the week out of the bag and holds it in front of Max.

“You wanna wear this, buddy? Wanna be like daddy?”

Max inspects the jersey and asks, “Daddy jersey?”

Tyler nods, which was apparently the wrong response.

Max immediately starts wailing, “Nooo! Jamie jersey! Jamie jersey!”

Tyler’s chest aches and Jamie quickly walks over to crouch in front of Max, who is still crying.

“Hey bud. We’ll get you a Jamie jersey later okay? But right now, can you wear Daddy’s? I bet Daddy would like that.”

Max looks at Tyler for confirmation. Tyler nods and smiles while holding out the jersey. Max quickly pulls it over his head and Jamie helps him get it on properly.

Tyler notices most of the guys haven’t changed out of their gear. They’re all watching Tyler and Jamie with Max. A few of them are smirking and Tyler feels his face get hot.

He scoops Max up and carries him out towards the rink. Most of the guys follow them back out. Jason and Jordie hop out onto the ice and skate around before circling back. Tyler steps out and Jamie follows.

Tyler looks at Max. “I’m gonna put you down now, okay?”

Max shakes his head.

Jordie calls out to him, “Hey buddy. See me and Uncle Jason skating? Don’t be scared, we won’t let you get hurt.”

Tyler starts to lower Max to the ice. Jamie sticks out a hand and says, “Wanna hold onto me and skate?”

Max shakes his head and says, “No, Daddy! Hold Daddy’sh hand.”

Tyler grins and places Max onto the ice, still holding onto his hands. Max eyes widen and his legs wobble, but he manages to stay standing. They skate around like that for a while, Tyler mostly pulling Max as he tries to get the hang of moving his feet. The rest of the guys skate around lazily, most of their attention on Tyler’s son.

When Max complains about being tired, Jason scoops him off the ice and carries him. They skate around together, with Jason doing loops and tiny jumps. Every time they leave the ice, Max lets out a gasp followed by a giggle.

After an hour or so, they all head out. Max is pretty wiped out, so Tyler puts him down for a nap when they get home.

While Max is sleeping, Tyler gets a call from his mom.

“I’m here!” she says.

“What do you mean ‘you’re here’?”

“In Dallas! I’m here to see my grandson, silly! I’m on my way over right now.”

“Mom. You can’t just fly down here without telling me.” Tyler rolls his eyes.

“I already did so don’t make a fuss. I’m sure you need me here anyway.”

She isn’t wrong. Tyler has felt like he has things mostly under control, but it would be nice to have someone around who knew what the hell they were doing.

“Okay, Mom. I’ll just make up your room then.” Tyler sighs and hangs up the phone.

A cab pulls in front of his house not one minute later. Tyler heads to the door when he hears it pull up. His mom gets out and sprints across the lawn, abandoning her bags. Tyler opens the door when she gets close and pulls her in. He melts in her arms. He hugs her for longer than normal and realizes how much he’s needed her these past few weeks. They part and Tyler goes to collect her bags.

He hustles back inside after paying the driver and finds his mom in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. Tyler can smell coffee brewing.

His voice cracks as he says, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

His mom glances up and pulls him into another hug. Tyler lets himself cry as she strokes his hair.

“Shh, baby it’s okay. Let it out.” Her voice is soft and soothing.

Tyler feels the tension lift from his shoulders as his mom embraces him. They stay that way for a few moments until Tyler hears a voice from behind him.

“Daddy?” Max calls out in a sleepy voice. Tyler extracts himself from his mom’s arms and turns around. Max is standing in the kitchen doorway holding his monster. He’s looking at Tyler’s mom warily.

Tyler walks over and picks him up, ruffling his hair as he sets him on his hip.

“Hey buddy. There’s someone here I want you to meet, okay?” Tyler starts to walk into the kitchen again.

Max nods and puts his thumb in his mouth. He buries his head in Tyler’s neck as they get closer to Tyler’s mom.

“Hey, come out of there,” Tyler says softly. He lightly butts his head against Max’s.

Max looks up.

“Max, this is my mommy. She’s your grandma.” Tyler’s stomach twists as he waits for Max’s response.

Max’s face scrunches. “Your mommy?”

“Yeah, buddy. She’s family too.” He smiles at Max, trying to make him comfortable.

“Okay, like Uncle Jordie and Jashon?”

Tyler nods. “And Jamie too.”

Max shakes his head vigorously. “No. My Jamie ish not the shame.”

Tyler’s mom gives him a weird look and he just shrugs and says, “I have no idea.”

His mom looks at Max and says, “Hi Max!” She tickles his stomach and he giggles lightly before hiding his face in Tyler’s shirt again.

They spend the rest of the day trying to get Max acquainted with Tyler’s mom. It doesn’t take long before Max is chattering away at her, giving her updates on everything that’s happened since he’s been in Dallas. Tyler excuses himself and goes to his bedroom. He lies on the bed and tries to breathe. It’s the first time in weeks, maybe even months, that he’s had a chance to relax.

His relaxation turns into a nap and he wakes up two hours later with a blanket pulled over him. Before heading downstairs, Tyler takes a moment to splash some water on his face.

When he finally gets downstairs, he sees his mom and Max sitting on the couch. His mom is talking to someone and when Tyler enters the room, he sees that it’s Jamie.

Tyler cringes and tries to back out of the room, but Max sees him and shouts, “Daddy!” and he’s given away.

Tyler reluctantly enters the room as Max tumbles towards him. He scoops him up and moves to sit on the couch next to his mom.

Tyler clears his throat before asking, “So, what’s going on here?”

“Oh, Jamie was coming over to see you, but you were sleeping, so I just let him in. We’ve just been having a nice chat,” she says, smiling.

He looks over at Jamie, who looks like he’s just been in front of the firing squad.

“Mom! Don’t torture Jamie with conversation. He’s shy _,_ ” Tyler teases. Jamie launches a pillow at him and Tyler bats it away. “Hey! I’ve got a kid here. Watch it, buddy!”

Jamie blushes and Tyler has to look away. Unfortunately, he makes eye contact with his mom, who is studying him curiously.  He looks away quickly.

“So Jamie, you probably have something to do right now, right?” Tyler tries to catch Jamie’s eye.

It doesn’t matter. His mom pipes up and says, “Of course you don’t, Jamie. You’re staying for dinner! I’ve made a casserole and I won’t take no for an answer.”

Jamie looks at Tyler apologetically before saying, “Of course, I’ll stay.” What a good Canadian boy.

During dinner, Tyler focuses all of his attention on Max, coddling and helping him eat more than usual. Max seems affronted at Tyler’s assumption that he suddenly can’t eat by himself and he throws a fit. Eventually, Tyler gives up and is forced into conversation.

“So Jamie, tell me. How is my son doing raising a kid?” Tyler mom looks at Jamie expectantly.

Jamie swallows hard before answering, “Pretty good, I guess? I don’t know much about raising kids, but Max is still alive so he must not be that bad at it.”

Tyler shoots Jamie an _are you fucking kidding me?_ look. Jamie shrugs helplessly.

Tyler’s mom laughs, “Well, I’m not sure that keeping your kid alive counts as ‘great parenting’, but it’s a start.”

“Mom, I think what Jamie means is I’m doing an excellent job, second only to his own mother raising him. Except Max won’t turn out to be such a turd.” Tyler sticks his tongue out and Jamie ducks his head.

Tyler feels his mom’s eyes on him. He goes to pick at his nail polish before realizing he isn’t wearing any. He sighs before looking at his watch. “Well, it’s getting late. I still have to give Max a bath and do story time.” He moves to clean up his dishes and looks at Jamie pointedly.

Jamie clears his throat. “Ah, right. I’ll just go then.” He stands up to leave.

Max sticks out his lower lip. “Don’t want my Jamie to go.”

Tyler’s mom lets out a soft, “Aw.”

Tyler closes his eyes and tries to get a grip. “Okay, buddy. What if Jamie helps with your bath and reads your story? Would that be okay?” Tyler can’t believe he’s bargaining with a three year old.

Max nods happily and makes grabby hands at Jamie, who scoops him up and carries him to the stairs. Tyler waits until he hears Jamie’s footsteps on the stairs before turning back around.

He’s face to face with his mom, who is looking at him strangely.

“What?” Tyler shifts his eyes.

She walks over to him and gently places her hand on his arm. “Tyler…”

“Mom, whatever you’re gonna say, it’s probably better if you don’t.” Tyler feels himself get hot. He grabs plates off the table and scurries away to the kitchen. Of course, his mom follows only seconds later holding more dishes.

“Tyler Paul Seguin. I’m your mother and I’m trying to tell you something and you are going to listen to me.”

Tyler shrinks back and suddenly he feels like he’s twelve years old.

“Okay,” he says quietly.

She puts her hands on Tyler’s shoulders lightly.

“Honey, I just want you to know, no matter what, I’ll still love you.” She gives his arm a squeeze.

“Okay.” Tyler tries to act confused.

“Tyler, if you and Jamie –“

“Mom!” Tyler hisses. “Jamie and I are nothing! We are teammates and friends. There’s nothing.”

His mom purses her lips. “Tyler, I see the way you look at him.”

Tyler closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “It’s nothing, Mom. You’re imagining things, okay?” His voice gets high.

“Tyler -” His mom starts.

“I gotta go get Max ready for bed!” he practically shouts as he heads towards the stairs. As he begins to climb them, Tyler’s stomach twists into knots. He doesn’t like snapping at his mom, but he is so not ready for _that_ conversation.

He enters Max’s room to find him curled up on Jamie’s chest, conked out completely. Jamie’s head is leaned back against the wall and he’s snoring softly, his right arm wrapped around Max. Tyler stands near the door and watches them for a moment, imagining a world where Max is his and Jamie’s child. His chest tightens just thinking about it.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts and creeps over to Jamie’s side of the bed. He pokes him gently in the side. Jamie doesn’t stir. Tyler keeps poking harder until Jamie swats at him.

“Hey, Chubbs. You can’t sleep in here. This bed is way too small.”

Jamie opens his eyes slowly and sits up. His face is only inches from Tyler’s. Tyler pauses before taking a step back.

“Come on, Jame. If you wanna stay here, that’s fine, but you can’t stay in Max’s bed.” Tyler pulls on Jamie’s free arm.

Jamie nods his head slowly and starts to extract himself from Max, who stirs slightly. Jamie pulls the covers up and places Max’s monster right next to him. He leans over and pecks a quick kiss on Max’s forehead before standing up and stepping back. Tyler notices that his face is flushed.

Tyler kisses Max goodnight and adjusts the covers a little. He leads Jamie out of the room. They start to head down the stairs.

“So, do you need to stay here tonight, sleepy?” Tyler lightly elbows Jamie in the side and smiles at him as they reach the bottom of the stairs.

Jamie grins and ducks his head. He starts to say something, but is interrupted by Tyler’s mom.

“Jamie, dear, you look exhausted. Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

Tyler’s entire body stiffens. He feels Jamie look over at him. Tyler steps away from him.

“No thanks. I’ll just head home. It’s not too far.” Jamie’s voice sounds weird. Tyler opens his mouth to say something, but Jamie just shakes his head. He turns around and walks out the door.

Tyler feels empty. He wishes he was curled up in one of his soft sweaters, pretending the world doesn’t exist. Instead, he walks to the living room followed by his mom and they both sit down. Tyler droops his shoulders and looks at his mom.

“If I cry right now will you hold me? And maybe not ask why I’m crying?” Tyler asks, his voice thick.

His mom nods and says, “Of course, baby.”

Tyler lays his head in her lap and lets it all out. He thinks about Jamie and how he definitely doesn’t feel the same way Tyler does. He thinks about Max and how he’s definitely not prepared to raise him. He thinks about hockey and his sisters and everyone he misses so much. But mostly he thinks about how he can’t even be himself in front of his own mother.

Tyler keeps crying, choking on his sobs and gasping for breath. His mom runs her hand up and down his back. Tyler tries to calm himself down, but every time he gets close he remembers that no one actually knows him and it brings on a whole new wave of tears.

He cries for close to an hour, lying in his mom’s lap. She makes soft shh-ing noises and continues to rub his back. When Tyler finally manages to quiet his sobs, he sits up.

His face feels puffy and sticky and he’s pretty sure he just left a trail of snot on his mom’s pants. He wipes his nose before looking at her. She looks worried.

“Sorry for that.” Tyler tries to laugh, but it sounds empty.

“Don’t apologize. I just don’t know what’s upset you this much. I wish you would tell me, honey.” She places her hand on top of his.

Tyler takes a deep breath and decides he can bear to spill one secret.

“I like guys, Mom. Girls too, but, yeah. I like guys the way I’m only supposed to like girls.” Tyler stares at his hands as he talks.

He feels his mom gently pulls his face up.

“It’s okay, Tyler. I love you no matter who you love. As long as they make you and Max happy, I’m happy.” She smiles as she says this and her eyes are watery. “Is there anyone in particular?”

Tyler shakes his head, “No.”

His mom sighs and says, “Okay, honey. When you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be here. But for now I need to get some rest.” She kisses him on the forehead and heads upstairs to the guest room.

Tyler sits on the couch alone for a while, before finally heading up to bed.

The next day, the Stars have a home game. Tyler calls the nanny off for the day and lets his mom watch Max. He’d gotten tickets to the game and she promised she’d bring Max.

When Tyler gets to the AAC, he tries not worry about Jamie. He enters the locker room and is relieved to see that it is mostly empty. The only other players are a few rookies who are still a little scared to talk to Tyler. He waves a hand at them as he sits down at his locker.

Jamie comes in when Tyler is mostly dressed. Jordie and Jason follow behind him, and they both nod at him when they walk in. Jamie doesn’t even look at him. He just heads straight to his locker.

Tyler sighs and makes his way over to Jamie. He stands in front of him for a moment and Jamie doesn’t look at him. He gives Jamie’s foot a light kick.

“Hey, uh, sorry about last night. I’m sure that was weird for you,” Tyler says quietly.

“It’s fine, Tyler.” Jamie is still not looking at him.

“Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Had Jamie noticed all of his mom’s looks? Great, Jamie was probably weirded out by Tyler’s stupid crush on him.

Jamie finally looks up at him. He has dark circles under his eyes. He sighs before saying, “Are you ashamed of me? I mean, do you not want me around?”

Tyler’s eyes widen. “No, no. Oh my god. Don’t think that. I just…My mom comes on really strong. I just thought you were ready to get out of there last night.”

Jamie’s lets out a sigh. “Okay, then we’re fine. Sorry, I guess I kinda freaked out.”

Tyler punches him lightly on the arm. “You? Freaked out? No way.” He grins.

Jamie pulls him in a headlock and scrubs his hair.

“Hey, hey! Cut it out. I gotta look good for warm ups! My kid is here.”

Jamie lights up. “Max is here?”

“Yeah, my mom brought him. I got them glass seats, mostly because I wanted to be able to see him. Now all I can think about is the glass breaking. Oh fuck.” Tyler runs his hand through his hair.

“Ty, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Besides, if anything does happen you might finally have your first fight.” Jamie grins.

When they get on the ice for warm ups, Tyler immediately skates around until he spots Max and his mom. He skates up to them and puts his hand against the glass. Max smacks the glass on his side, trying to match his hand to Tyler’s.

With a little wave, Tyler skates away to begin stretching. He’s on the ice when Spezza skates by him and says, “Hey Segs, I think your kid put on the wrong jersey.” He smirks and skates away.

When Tyler finishes stretching, he glances over at Max. Max turns to the side and Tyler can see a giant 14 on his back. He shakes his head and gets back to warm ups.

The rest of the guys take their turns chirping him about Max’s jersey. Fidds says something like, “Looks like you two think alike, huh?” and it earns him a punch from Jordie. Tyler just rolls his eyes and skates away, hoping no one sees his face get red.

Tyler plays one of his best games. Within the first period, he’s racked up a goal and an assist. Both times he’s on Max’s side of the rink and he does his celly right in front of him before giving a light knock on the glass. Max grins wildly and nearly falls out of his chair. Tyler’s mom holds onto him for the rest of the game.

They win 5-0 and Tyler scores a hat trick. He sees his mom try to lift Max up to throw his hat, but she can’t get him high enough. The man sitting next to her offers and he lifts Max up high so he can throw his hat on the ice. Tyler makes sure to scoop that hat up.

He finds his mom after changing and doing his interviews. Max is falling asleep on her shoulder.

“I think he’s conked out from all the excitement,” his mom says. “He had a really good time, though. He was screaming yours and Jamie’s names the whole night. And the other two whenever he saw them. I think he was just amazed that he knew you guys.” She laughs.

Tyler gives Max a kiss on the head. “We’re going to go out and celebrate. Are you okay to get him home and in bed or should I come with you?” Tyler bites his lip.

“Honey. I’ve raised three kids. I think I can get this one to bed just fine. You go out and have your fun. You deserve a break.”

Tyler hesitates and his mom gives him a little push. Tyler gives in, but gives them both another quick kiss before turning around and leaving. He finds Jamie, Jason, and Jordie waiting outside the locker room.

“Alright, let’s fuckin party!” Tyler throws his hands up in the air.

Jason gives Tyler a high five and lets out an identical yell. Jamie and Jordie just roll their eyes as they all walk out of the AAC.

The team ends up at one of their favorite bars and lays claim on a few tables. A couple people start buying rounds and everyone is shoving shots at Tyler. He loses track of how many drinks he’s had and he begins to feel looser than he’s felt in weeks. He’s pressed up close to Jamie on one side and Jason on the other.

At some point, Jamie sets his arm on the booth behind Tyler and Tyler finds himself leaning into him. Soaking in Jamie’s smell, Tyler is overcome with a sudden urge to kiss him. He sits up to take action and is yanked back by Jason. He puts his mouth close to Tyler’s ear and says, “Not here, man. You don’t wanna do it here, like this.”

Tyler’s shoulders slump, but he nods at Jason. Tyler leans back in his seat and crosses his arms, pouting a little. Jamie leans down and whispers in his ear, “Everything okay?” His voice is soft and gentle.

Tyler nods and Jamie smiles back. He tightens his arm around Tyler’s shoulders and Tyler allows himself to sink back into him. He looks at Jason for approval, but he’s tied up in whatever story Jordie is currently telling. Tyler supposes he’s not doing anything too terrible.

A few of the guys beg off early, trying to get back to their wives and kids. Tyler pities them for a moment before he remembers that he has a kid at home. He feels a sudden urge to leave. He crawls up Jamie to reach his ear and says, “Can we go?”

Jamie’s eyes are dark when they meet Tyler’s. He nods.

“I wanna get home to Max,” Tyler says softly.

Jamie’s eyes soften and he says, “Of course. Come on.” He hoists Tyler up out of the booth. Tyler puts most of his weight on Jamie. Jamie gets Jordie and Jason out of the booth and they all head out to Jamie’s truck. Tyler puts a hand on Jamie’s face.

“Are you okay to drive, sir?”

Jamie chuckles, “Yeah Tyler, not all of us had a hundred shots like you did.”

Tyler hears someone throw up behind them. Holding onto Jamie’s arm, he whirls around to see Jordie rubbing Jason’s back and Jason bent over a trash can.

“At least you’re not that fucked up,” Jamie says.

“Hey, fuck you,” Jason says meekly.

“Come on, you big baby.” Jordie practically carries Jason to the truck and slides in the back with him. For once, Tyler takes the front seat.

He leans his head back as Jamie starts the car. A moment later, he’s being shaken awake by Jamie.

“Hey, Ty, we’re home.” Tyler looks out the window. They’re in front of his house. A quick glance behind him tells him that Jason and Jordie are no longer in the car.

“Jordie’s staying at Jason’s. He’s gotta baby-sit. Come on, let’s get you inside, babe.” Tyler is pretty sure he imagined the endearment, but he’ll happily pretend like it was real. Jamie comes around to his side of the car and pulls him out.

Tyler leans on Jamie the entire way into the house. Jamie practically drags him up the stairs. Tyler plops onto the bed the moment he sees it.

“Come on, Ty. You gotta get out of your clothes.”

“Are you coming onto me?” Tyler tries to joke, but he mostly mumbles into the bedspread.

“Come on, dork.” Jamie lifts Tyler up and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Tyler leans his head on Jamie’s shoulder.

“I’m not taking your pants off you.” Jamie says quietly.

Tyler rolls his eyes and tries to unbuckle his belt.

“What the fuck. This is broken,” he says as he fumbles it.

Jamie sighs loudly and swats Tyler’s hands away. “You owe me for this,” he mutters. Once unbuckled, Tyler’s pants practically fall off.

Jamie gives him a concerned look and says softly,  “You’re getting skinny, Ty. Do you even eat anymore?” Tyler wiggles his hand back and forth in lieu of a response.

Jamie just shakes his head and gently lets go of Tyler. Tyler falls back on the bed. He crawls to the top and scoots under the covers. Jamie is still standing at the foot of the bed. Tyler pats the bed next to him.

“Come keep me company.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tyler.” Jamie stares at the floor.

Tyler pouts. “Please? I need you.”

Jamie looks up and stares at him. Tyler feels his eyes get heavy.

“Please? Get over here before I fall asleep.”

Jamie sighs loudly and sits on the bed to untie his shoes. He shucks off his pants and shirt and climbs in next to Tyler. The moment he’s under the covers, Tyler wraps himself around him and rests his head on his chest.

“Jeez, you’re needy,” Jamie says softly into Tyler’s hair. Tyler just hums in response. He falls asleep with Jamie’s arms around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is a Big Moment chapter so buckle up baby
> 
> as always comments are appreciated!
> 
> shoutout to [Liz](http://ughhgghg.tumblr.com/) and [Steph](http://wheelofdawn.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this. 
> 
> also shoutout to liz for letting me run ideas by her literally all the time idk how she puts up with me
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](http://dartheighter.tumblr.com/)


	4. cradle your head in your hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!
> 
> i wrote this chapter basically before i wrote anything else (i added to it a bit but i pretty much had this whole things written at the beginning)
> 
>  
> 
> title is from "Breathe" by Anna Nalick
> 
> (warnings for coming out scenarios, references to depression and eating disorders)

Tyler wakes up alone. He stretches his arm to the other side of the bed and feels only sheets. Opening his eyes, he sees only the empty room. He sighs and gets out of bed. He goes to Max’s room to check on him, but he finds it empty. Remembering that his mom is there, Tyler goes downstairs to find them.

When he enters the kitchen, Tyler is greeted by the sight of Jamie holding Max on his hip and making something on the stove. Their backs are turned, so they don’t notice him come in. He stands in the doorway and watches for a moment, listening to Jamie talk softly to Max.

“Come on, Maxie, we gotta flip ‘em. You don’t wanna burn Daddy’s special pancakes do you?”

“Speshal pancakes? Why Daddy’s pancakesh speshal?” Max asks.

“Because Daddy is special, honey.”

Tyler’s breath catches in his throat. Jamie turns around to put a plate on the counter and sees Tyler in the doorway. He smiles at him.

“Good morning, sleepy.”

“Morning. What time is it?” Tyler rubs his eyes and tries to compose himself.

“Nearly ten. I wanted to let you rest. You looked exhausted last night.” He readjusts Max on his hip.

“I got kinda messed up didn’t I? God, I’m sorry Jamie.”

“Hey, don’t be. You deserved a chance to let loose.” Jamie is still smiling at Tyler and it makes his stomach flip-flop.

Tyler walks over and reaches for Max. He takes him from Jamie and plants a big kiss on his cheek. “How’s my big boy today?”

“Good! My Jamiesh making pancakesh!” He grins proudly. He glances over at Jamie before whispering to Tyler, “Speshal pancakes.”

Tyler grins. “Special pancakes, huh?” He glances over at Jamie, who nods with a small smile on his face. Tyler quickly turns his attention back to Max.

“You wanna eat some of the special pancakes, sweetie?”

Max nods and Tyler sets him up at the breakfast bar so he can still watch all the action. Max happily bites into his pancakes as Tyler hoists himself up on the counter near him.

Jamie has returned to making pancakes, stacking a mountain of them on two plates. When he finishes, he shoves a plate towards Tyler.

“Eat those. All of them.” He raises his eyebrows, challenging Tyler.

Tyler salutes. “Yes, Captain.” He starts scarfing down his pancakes. Between bites, Tyler asks, “Where’s my mom?”

“She had to run to the store? I think she’s trying to get you stocked up with some real food before she leaves. She said something about Candace having something she needed her for? I don’t know. I think she’s leaving today.” Jamie waves his hands around as he talks, dripping syrup all over the place.

Tyler stares at Jamie and the syrup mess before commenting, “You’re awfully chatty this morning.”

“I slept really well, I guess.” He blushes and hastily adds, “I mean, I didn’t have to listen to Jason and Jordie fucking all night, so I actually got sleep.”

“Language! Tiny ears in this room!” Tyler points at Max emphatically.

“As if you have room to talk, Mr. Blowjob.” Jamie smirks.

“Believe it or not, you are not the first person to ever call me Mr. Blowjob.” Tyler winks at Jamie, who chokes on his coffee.

 Tyler hears the front door open and his mom walks into the kitchen.

“Well look at this little scene! Isn’t this cute?” His mom is looking back and forth between Tyler and Jamie, smiling.

“Yeah, uh, Jamie made pancakes,” Tyler says dumbly.

“I see that. Did he tell you have to go today? Candace needs me at home. I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah, Mom, of course. I’m glad you came at all.” Tyler smiles.

“Okay, good because my flight leaves in an hour and I need a ride to the airport.” She laughs.

“Mom…” Tyler starts.

“I got it,” Jamie pipes in. “You get him ready.”  He points at Max, whose face is now covered in maple syrup.

“Ready for?” Tyler quirks an eyebrow.

“Jason and Jordie? They’re taking him today, remember? You’re supposed to take the day off.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, if you don’t mind. Mom, is that okay?”

“Of course. It gives Jamie and me a chance to get to know each other better.” She smiles at Jamie, who attempts to smile back.

“Good. Thanks Jame, you’re the best.” Tyler flashes him a grin.

Jamie and his mom leave a few minutes later. Max is still at the breakfast bar, playing with the syrup on his plate.

“Aw, dude. Now we gotta give you a bath. Come on, stinker.” He grabs Max and takes him upstairs.

He hears the door open as he’s toweling Max off.

“Hey guys! We’re up here! Just getting him ready!” Tyler shouts out the bathroom door.

Jason and Jordie appear a minute later, as Tyler is getting Max dressed. Tyler looks up as they walk in.

“Hey guys. Sorry, we had a syrup catastrophe at breakfast.”

“Hey, no worries. Today is a worry free day.” Jason winks at him.

“Let’s hope,” Tyler says. He finishes getting Max ready and sends him away with Jason and Jordie.

Once they’ve left, Tyler heads to his bathroom and runs the bath. He adds his favorite lavender bubble bath and turns the water up really hot. The water turns purple and the room is filled with a flowery scent. Tyler slides in and feels himself relax for the first time in weeks. The tension slowly leaves his body as his brain goes fuzzy. He stays in the bath for over an hour, longer than he has been able to in a while.

After his bath, he puts scented lotion all over his rough skin, rubbing hard on his stiff limbs. He’s hoping that most of the scent will die away by the time Jordie and Jason get back.

He cleans the old, chipped polish off his toenails and replaces it with sparkly silver. He’ll have to put socks on later, but he wants to enjoy being able to look down at them while he can.

Once he’s done in the bathroom, Tyler heads into his bedroom. He stops at the foot of the bed and marvels at how quiet his house is. Max hasn’t been in Dallas long, but Tyler’s gotten used to the constant noise of Max’s toys or TV shows. Sighing, he checks his watch and realizes Max won’t be back for a while.

He takes advantage of the remaining free time and lays down for a nap. He had only intended on sleeping for an hour, but he wakes up three hours later when he hears the garage door open. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Tyler grabs socks and hustles down the stairs to meet Max.

Max comes barreling through the doorway, Jason and Jordie behind him.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look what I did!”

He holds his hands out for Tyler to see. It takes Tyler a moment to realize what he is supposed to be noticing: Max’s fingernails are painted a shiny victory green. 

“I’m jusht like you Daddy, shee?”

Tyler swallows and looks at Jordie, whose eyebrows are raised, looking back at Tyler.

“He probably just means the green,” Tyler tries to explain it away. Jordie just shrugs.

He turns back to Max. “Wow, baby. They look so good!” He scoops Max up and puts him on his hip.

“We did Uncle Jashon and Jordie’s too!” Max is grinning widely.

Tyler looks back at Jason and Jordie, who show him freshly painted fingernails. He swallows hard.

“You all match!” Tyler hears the strain in his voice, but hopes he’s the only one who does.

Max nods vigorously. “Can we do yoursh, Daddy? Pease?”

Tyler closes his eyes and sighs before replying enthusiastically, “Of course we can!”

They all move into the living room and sit down. Jason pulls the nail polish bottle out of his pocket. Max grabs for it, but Jason pulls it back.

“What did we say? You gotta let me do it or it will be messy!”

Max nods. “Shorry. I forgot.”

“It’s okay buddy. You can supervise.”

Jason winks at him and pulls Tyler’s arm into his lap. He opens the polish and starts painting.

“How are you so good at this?” Tyler asks as Jason manages to keep all of the polish on his nail. His palms feel sweaty in Jason’s hand.

“I have no idea,” Jason says. “Today was the first time I’d ever done it, but I’m not about to make it look trashy.”

Jason finishes Tyler’s left hand and grabs his right. Tyler feels a bead of sweat slide down his back.

“Well, they look great. I mean, I think they do,” Tyler bites his lip. His eyes flick around the room, trying to gauge Jordie and Jason’s reactions..

Once Jason finishes, Tyler blows on his nails to dry them. Max watches him for a moment before beginning to blow on his already dry nails. Tyler laughs at him.

Jason and Jordie are whispering something and Tyler feels his blood run cold. Jordie walks over to Max and scoops him up.

“Hey bud. Let’s go play outside with the puppies!” Jordie opens the back door and walks out, with Marshall and Cash following close behind.

Tyler watches the door for as long as he can. After a minute or so, Jason clears his throat.

“Is something going on, Tyler?” Jason’s blue eyes are sincere and worried.

Tyler tries to come up with a response, but all his words are lost. He looks at Jason helplessly.

Jason puts his hand on Tyler’s leg. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Tyler nods and pulls away. He takes a deep breath.

“Can I just say it’s not the first time I’ve worn nail polish and leave it at that?”

Jason tilts his head. “It’s not the first time _I’ve_ worn nail polish.”

Tyler sighs. “It’s not the first time I’ve worn nail polish this week? Or today even?” Tyler really wishes his voice wasn’t so squeaky.

Jason nods. “That’s kind of what I figured.”

Tyler scoots close to Jason and rests his head on his chest. Jason rests his hand on Tyler’s back. “It’s, uh, not just nail polish.”

Jason starts rubbing in small circles on Tyler’s back and asks, “What do you mean?”

Tyler considers taking him upstairs to show him his second closet, but the thought of it makes him nauseous. He’s not ready to have anybody there yet.

He sighs. “Sometimes I wear other stuff. Like other clothes.”

“Like?” Jason talks softly and has now taken to petting Tyler’s hair.

“Uh, dresses? And pretty stuff. I like pretty stuff.” Tyler speaks so quietly, he can barely hear himself.

Tyler pulls away from Jason to see his reaction. Jason is smiling.

“Okay,” he says simply.

“Okay?” Tyler’s voice croaks.

“Yeah. I don’t care what you wear, dude. As long as it makes you happy, it makes me happy.” He shrugs.

Tears well up in Tyler’s eyes and he smiles softly. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re like a really good friend?”

Jason laughs and pulls Tyler in for a hug. “Maybe once or twice. I just treat other people how I would want them to treat me. You don’t judge me for being gay or anything else, so why should I judge you for this?”

Tyler laughs and says, “Oh yeah. I’m kinda gay too. Well, bi.”

“You’re doing all sorts of coming out today, Segs.” Jason is grinning.

“And here I thought it was going to be a nice day.” Tyler buries his face in Jason’s shoulder.

Jason shrugs his shoulder a little, jostling Tyler. “Hey now. I think it’s a pretty fucking great day. You’re really brave for telling me this, Segs. I’m proud as hell.”

Tyles nods appreciatively as he continues crying.

Jason resumes rubbing his back as he asks, “Does Jamie know? Any of this, I mean?”

Tyler freezes. He pulls back and stares Jason down.

“No, he doesn’t. He can’t.” Tyler’s throat gets tight.

“Tyler, I think he’d be okay with it,” Jason says softly.

“No.” Tyler’s voice is sharp and clipped. “You can’t tell him anything.”

“I wouldn’t. But maybe you should? He’s your best friend.” Jason scrunches his face.

“Don’t remind me,” Tyler mutters.

“Tyler,” Jason whispers, eyes wide.

Tyler’s eyes get wide. “No. No, it’s not like that. I don’t – I’m not -. Jamie’s just my friend.”

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I didn’t mean anything, okay? Let’s just forget about it.”

Jordie and Max come back inside at that moment and the conversation dies out. Jason and Jordie hang out for a little while longer before leaving.

As they’re eating dinner later that night, Max pauses between bites of his spaghetti and looks over at Tyler.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can I have some clothes like yours?” Max pushes his food around on his plate, not looking at Tyler.

Tyler thinks for a moment. “What do you mean? Hockey clothes?”

Max shakes his head. “Pretty clothes.”

Tyler feels like the wind got knocked out of him. He takes a few moments to collect himself before he says, “Of course, honey.”

They clear the table off and Tyler immediately takes Max out to the car and straps him in. They head to Target and Max makes a beeline for the girls’ clothing.

Tyler stands back to let him choose for himself. Max walks around tentatively, running his hands over different shirts and dresses, but not picking any of them up.

“Honey? Do you need help?”

Max nods. “I don’t wanna chooshe the wrong one.”

Tyler pets his head. “You couldn’t. If you like it, then it’s the right one.”

Max thinks this over for a moment before turning back to the clothes. He picks up a few shirts and one dress and brings them to Tyler.

“Okay, bud. Let’s just get these in your size.” Tyler returns the clothes Max grabbed and gets the proper ones. He leads Max over to the shoe section to let him pick out a pair.

Max studies several pairs of princess shoes intently before choosing a pair of light-up Frozen shoes.

“Will it ever end?” Tyler says to no one in particular. Frozen was Max’s latest obsession and it was 110% Jason’s fault. Tyler had the songs stuck in his head for the past week.

He allows Max to get the shoes, of course.

“Anything else, honey?” Tyler is letting Max run the show tonight.

“Can I get a dolly?” Max asks quietly before looking down at the floor.

“You got it.” Tyler leads Max over to the toy section and leads him down the doll aisle. Max takes an excruciatingly long time picking out the _perfect_ doll. Once he finally makes his decision, Tyler scoops Max up and puts him in the cart.

They go to the checkout and the girl there looks slightly confused at their purchases, until she notices their fingernails. She doesn’t ask them any questions and it makes Tyler relieved and anxious all at once.

They head home and Tyler puts a very tired Max to bed. He gets a text from Jamie making plans for the next day. They had few off days and Jamie had wanted to spend this one with Tyler and Max.

The next day, Max and Tyler get off to a slow start and when it gets close to when Jamie said he’d be there, Tyler has barely done anything with his day. He leaves Max in the living room with Marshall and Cash while he takes a quick shower. Jamie is on his way, so Tyler doesn’t think Max will be alone long enough to cause trouble. He is so wrong.

Tyler walks out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and heads down to check on Max. He nearly runs into Jamie at the bottom of the stairs.

 “You just get here?” Tyler asks.

Jamie looks frozen for a second, staring at Tyler’s bare chest before he nods his head and says, “Yeah,” very softly.

 Tyler chuckles and heads into the living room. He nearly screams when he finally enters the room.

Max is sitting on the floor in front of Marshall, carefully applying bright red lipstick all over his muzzle. Marshall doesn’t seem to care much, but Tyler wants the floor to swallow him up.

Jamie moves first. He kneels in front of Max and Marshall. “Here buddy, give me that. This isn’t for doggies, silly boy.” He ruffles Max’s hair and replaces the cap on the lipstick.

 “Max, go grab a paper towel and clean off Marshall’s face,” Jamie says. Tyler needs to sit down.

Max stays where he is and pouts, “He’sh pretty. Don’t wanna take off the pretty.”

Tyler feels his heart ache and Jamie laughs, “He is very pretty, buddy, but I bet Marshall doesn’t like it very much and it’s probably not good for him. Can you do it for me?”

“Do it for my Jamie!” Max cheers and scampers to the kitchen to get the towels.

Jamie turns to Tyler and asks, “Why do you have lipstick? Where’d this come from?”

Tyler’s chest tightens and he opens his mouth, but no words come out. Max comes back and they turn their attention to him. He tries to get the lipstick off, but his little hands aren’t making much progress. Jamie reaches around him and takes the paper towel. Once Marshall is lipstick-free, Jamie looks back at Tyler.

“It must have gotten left here,” Tyler shrugs, hoping Jamie can’t hear the lie. It doesn’t matter though. Max starts yelling, “Daddy lipschtick! Daddy lipschtick!” and waving his arms in front of Tyler.

Max picks up the lipstick from the ground and climbs onto Tyler’s lap. “Put on Daddy?” Tyler glances at Jamie, who is staring back at him, his lips slightly parted. Tyler nods at Max, who grins and begins to draw on and around Tyler’s mouth.

Tyler can’t help but smile at Max and he ends up with lipstick on his teeth. He scoops Max off his lap and sets him down.  “Max, honey, can you go put this back where you found it?” Tyler hands him the lipstick and Max nods before running away and up the stairs.

Jamie sits down next to Tyler, “Did someone really leave that here?”

“If I said yes would you pretend to believe me?” Tyler asks as he wipes his mouth.

Jamie sighs and puts his hand on Tyler’s leg. Tyler is suddenly aware of how naked he is and stands up quickly.  “I gotta get dressed,” he yells as he practically runs from the room. Much to his chagrin, he hears Jamie follow him.

Jamie has enough tact to wait outside Tyler’s room as he goes in to get dressed. He finds Max sitting on the floor with a bunch of makeup spread out all around him.

Tyler puts his hands on his hips and looks down at him, “Aren’t you supposed to be putting that away?”

“Just the lipschticks,” Max says simply and Tyler notices that all of the lipstick is still in his bag. At least he listens.

Tyler hurries to find some clothes and tries to put away all of his more feminine things before Jamie comes in.

“Tyler,” Jamie calls from the hallway. “Tyler, let me come in so we can talk.” 

“Just a second!” Tyler calls out. “Come on, Maxie we gotta put this away for now.”

Max grabs a fistful of makeup and holds it close to his chest, “No! I wanna play! I wanna use the pretty.”

“Max, please,” Tyler pleads.

Max’s eyes start to fill with tears and Tyler slumps down to the floor in front of him.

Giving up, he calls out to Jamie, “You can come in.”

Jamie walks in cautiously and his eyes fall on the makeup case on the floor. Tyler can feel himself starting to cry and keeps his eyes trained to the floor.

Jamie kneels in front of Max. “Hey buddy, you wanna take this stuff into Daddy’s bathroom for a minute? I need to talk to him about grown up stuff.”

Max pats Jamie on the cheek twice and says, “’Kay,” before stumbling into the bathroom.

Jamie scoots over to sit next to Tyler. When Tyler doesn’t move or say anything, Jamie wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him in. Tyler can’t help himself and starts sobbing into Jamie’s chest, getting snot and tears all over Jamie’s t-shirt. He can’t remember ever crying this hard. They sit like that for a while, until Tyler’s sobs quiet and the tears stop falling. He pulls away from Jamie, who turns to face him.

“Ty, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you this upset before.”

Tyler sighs, “There’s something I have to tell you. Please let me finish before you say anything, okay?”

Jamie nods.

“Okay, so I guess the best way to explain it would be to just go for it right?” Tyler stalls.

 Jamie nods again and motions for him to continue.

Tyler takes a deep breath and says, “Sometimes I like to wear…like girl clothes I guess? I don’t like to call them that though. I guess they’re what people consider feminine clothes? And like, makeup and stuff. I always have, ever since I was little. I was always getting into my mom’s makeup and stuff, which is fine when you’re three, but when you’re ten and still doing it people start to talk. So I started to hide it. Only Brownie and Jesse know really. And Max of course.”

“When I got into the NHL I had to try really hard to hide it, especially living with a bunch of other dudes in Boston. I never really felt like myself there. I started fucking up all the time and then I would go out and party to forget about it. It was a stupid fucking cycle that I couldn’t get out of. I was afraid to tell any of those guys, even my closest friends. Hockey players always freaked me out like that. Like if they found out they’d beat the shit out of me.

“Then I was traded and moved here I was so fucking grateful for a fresh start. I had my own place and I could be whoever I wanted there. Don’t think it means I don’t trust you that I haven’t told you, it’s just really fucking terrifying to not know how someone is going to react. Honestly, this is a long time coming and I should have told you like a year ago.”

Tyler pauses and realizes he started to cry again. He wipes his eyes on his t-shirt and looks back at Jamie. Max comes barreling back into the room and scrambles to sit on Tyler’s lap, still holding some of Tyler’s makeup. Tyler wraps him arms around him and rests his chin on top of his head.

Max starts to draw on Tyler’s leg with eyeliner, but he’s too tired to do anything about it.

He nudges Jamie with his foot, “You haven’t said anything.”

Jamie looks down at Max, “Is it okay…?”

Tyler nods, “He knows. It’s fine. He barely understands us anyway.”

“Ty, first of all, don’t be sorry you didn’t tell me sooner. This is a huge fucking secret. I just want you to know that I love you no matter what and nothing could change that. Same goes for the rest of the guys – well at least Jordie and Jason, everyone else can fuck off if they don’t like it. You can dress however you want around me, Tyler. It doesn’t change anything.” The look in Jamie’s eyes is fierce, like when he’s just come out of a fight.

Tyler manages a smile. Jamie bumps his shoulder into Tyler’s and they both laugh a little. Tyler tries hard not to focus on the fact that Jamie had said ‘I love you’. There’s no doubt in his mind that Jamie meant it platonically, but it still feels nice.

They sit in comfortable silence for moment. Tyler runs his fingers through Max’s hair and tries to relax. He peeks over at Jamie, who is looking at Max.

“Can I ask you something, Ty?” He bites his lip.

“Go ahead. You already know my biggest secret.” Jamie grimaces and Tyler looks away.

“Does all of this have anything to do with Max? I mean, is this why you didn’t know Max existed?”

Max looks up at the sound of his name. “Me?”

Jamie laughs and tickles Max. “Yeah, you.”

Max just nods and goes back to drawing on Tyler’s leg.

Tyler sighs and nods, looking back at Jamie. “I suppose I should tell you that story too.”

“You don’t have to.” Jamie looks like he really means it.

“No, it’s okay. I want to. I _need_ to. Okay, where do I start?” Tyler pauses to collect his thoughts.

“I can skip all of the early stuff, I guess. Basically, I was in a relationship with _someone._ ” Tyler flicks his eyes to Max.

“I was in a really solid relationship. We’d been together for a year and it was pretty serious. I mean, as serious as you can be at 20. Anyway, she came to me one day and suggested that we move in together. She said it was the next logical step and I agreed with her.”

Jamie nods. Max wiggles around in Tyler’s lap, making himself more comfortable.

“Up to this point, she had no idea about my ‘other side’.” Tyler motions air quotes. “I had been able to hide it pretty well because I had my own place. I figured this was as good of a time as any to come out to her.”

“One day, when we had plans to hang out at my place, I got really dressed up. I did my makeup, put on my favorite clothes, and waited for her. I figured she loved me no matter what and this was just gonna be another thing about me. You know, like how I have weird feet. Anyway when she got there I just yelled for her to come in. She walked in and got an eyeful of me as I really am.”

Tyler looks over to see Jamie smile softly.

“I was all ready for her to just gush over me. That’s what Brownie did. And Blacker, once he got over the initial shock. Needless to say, she did not. She actually asked me if it was a joke. I thought I was going to throw up.”

He pauses and feels Jamie put his arm around his shoulders. Tyler scoots closer.

“Of course, I immediately burst into tears and she realized it wasn’t a joke. She just kept staring at me like I wasn’t real. Once I finally stopped crying, she basically told me we were done. Actually, she told me it was ‘kinda fucked up’ and that I probably needed to get some help.” Tyler’s voice breaks.

Tyler feels Jamie’s fist clench. He places his hand on top of Jamie’s.

“It’s okay. That part’s over now.”

Jamie nods slightly before asking, “So, this is when you played with Boston right?”

“Yeah. Now you’re getting it. This was basically the starting point for the Tyler Seguin Fuckup Fest. I was a fucking wreck when she left.” He winces at the swear and glances down at Max, but his eyes are closed.

“I started going out all the time to distract myself. I just wanted to forget. I drank and partied my way through the next year, barely sleeping and eating. Until Brownie stepped in. That was the summer before I came here. He basically cut me off from everyone and tried to keep me stable. We all know how that worked out.” He rolls his eyes.

“After the Fourth of July disaster and trade, Brownie made me move in with him for the rest of summer.  It was a total disaster. He had to force me to get up every day and shower. I only worked out when he did and I probably lost like twenty pounds. You basically know the rest of the story from there.”

“I remember.” Jamie says. “You were so skinny when you came here. Jordie and I were really worried.”

Max is getting heavy in Tyler’s lap. He cranes his neck and sees that Max is passed out. Quietly, he stands up and puts Max in his bed, tucking the covers up to his chin. He returns to the floor next to Jamie.

Jamie is staring at his hands, lost in thought. Tyler nudges him.

“Was that too much for you? I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

Jamie looks at him incredulously. “Too much, for me? Tyler, you just told me a shitload of shitty stuff that happened to you and you’re making sure it’s not too much _for me_?”

Tyler just shrugs. “I’m used to it.”

Jamie’s shoulders fall. “You shouldn’t be.”

Tyler feels his shoulders tense. He looks at the floor as he says, “Well, this has officially tired me out. I think I’m just gonna call it a night. You should probably just go.”

He meets Jamie’s eyes. Jamie opens his mouth before snapping it shut. He gets up to leave, stopping at the bedroom door and turning around.

“You deserve a lot better Tyler. I hope you know that.” Jamie turns back around and leaves.

Tyler is left frozen in place with a lump in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is probably one of my favorite things i've ever written? it was very emotional - especially the coming out stuff? tyler coming out to jamie was hard bc tyler kinda doesnt get to CHOOSE when he tells jamie and that's exactly what happened to me when i had to come out to my parents
> 
> but also the jason one bc thats pretty similar to how i came out to one of my friends...
> 
> i had a hard time coming up with a title for this chapter, but "breathe" is a song that has helped me a lot and i listened to it when i was writing this chapter, so it just made sense!
> 
> i owe my life to [my mom](http://ughhgghg.tumblr.com/) and [my other mom](http://wheelofdawn.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this.


	5. hold me like you'll never let me go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA HA it's been two months i am so sorry this fic was just NOT cooperating with me!
> 
> warnings for some homophobic language in here
> 
> chapter title from "leaving on a jet plane" by peter paul and mary cause i cant stop listening to it

“Can we play dresh up?” Max asks, sticking out his lower lip at Jamie. He definitely learned that from Tyler.

“Okay, bud, what do you have for me?” Jamie crawls over to where Max is sitting on the living room floor in his house. Tyler had dropped him off a few hours ago and Jamie was pretty stoked about the alone time with Max.

Max pulls out a pink sparkly dress and shows it to Jamie.

Jamie grins. “I don’t think that’s gonna fit me, honey.”

Max shrieks, “It’sh not for _you,_ Jamie! Dish _my_ dresh!” He clutches it close to his chest.

Jamie raises his hands in surrender, trying to suppress a smirk. “Okay, okay. Where’s my outfit then?” He makes a big show of shuffling through Max’s trunk.

Max looks thoughtful for a minute. Then he scrambles to his feet and runs out of the room.

“Hey, be careful!” The last thing Jamie needs is for Max to get hurt.

Max comes back a minute later, dragging one of Jamie’s suit coats with him. He tosses it on Jamie’s lap and proceeds to dig a crown out of his trunk. He hands it to Jamie.

Jamie looks between the coat and crown and then back at Max.

“What am I supposed to be?”

Max puts his hands on his hips and sighs, “A prinsh! I’m the prinshesh and you’re my prinsh”

Jamie can’t help but smile at that. “Okay, I’ll be your prince. But you don’t look very much like a princess yet!”

Jamie helps Max get his dress on over his clothes before putting his own costume on. Max pulls a makeup kit out of his trunk and insists that Jamie put it on him.

“I’m not very good at this, you know. It probably won’t look very good.” Jamie isn’t Tyler after all.

Max just stares back at Jamie.

There isn’t much makeup in the kit, thankfully. Just some kid’s lip gloss and what Jamie guesses is blush. He puts in on Max’s cheeks and tries to get lip gloss on Max’s mouth as neatly as he can.

“I need to shee!” Max shouts, running to the bathroom.

“Careful!” Jamie yells as he follows Max. This kid is going to seriously injure himself one day. When he reaches the bathroom, Jamie lifts Max up so he can see himself in the mirror and smiles again when Max coos at his reflection.

“I look pretty!” Max shouts, patting his cheeks.

Jamie nods and smiles. “Very pretty.”

“Like daddy?” Max looks at Jamie in the mirror.

Jamie swallows hard before taking a deep breath. “Yes, baby. You’re pretty, just like daddy.”

Max grins and wiggles until Jamie sets him back on the ground. He grabs Jamie by the hand and leads him back into the living room, pushing him into the armchair.

“Sit on your throne!” Max commands and Jamie obeys.

Jamie is just getting comfortable in his ‘throne’ when he hears the front door open. He calls out, “In the living room!”

He’s expecting to see Tyler, but Jordie and Jason walk in instead.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Jamie asks. He hadn’t been expecting them.

“Eh, we were just in the neighborhood,” Jason says, grinning.

Jamie rolls his eyes. Jason will come up with any excuse to hang out with Max. Jamie notices Jordie inspecting Max’s outfit and dress up trunk bursting with pink and purple clothes; he’s pretty sure that Tyler hasn’t told Jordie yet.

Jason crawls onto the floor and sits next to Max. “Do I get a costume?”

Max scrunches his face before digging into his trunk again and pulling out a tiara and a wand.

“You’re too big for my dreshes,” Max says.

Jason takes the tiara and places it on his head before looking at Jordie and waggling his eyebrows. Jordie rolls his eyes, but he’s smirking.

“Hey, Maxie. Where’d you get all this stuff?” Jordie asks.

“Daddy bought it for me,” Max says. “I wanted shtuff like Daddy.”

Jordie raises an eyebrow and looks to Jamie for an explanation. Jamie shakes his head. “You should probably ask Tyler about that.” He doesn’t want to tell Tyler’s secret to anyone, not even his own brother.

Jordie frowns, but nods and sits on the floor next to the trunk. Max grabs the lip gloss from the floor.

“You can wear this, Uncle Jordie!” He starts to put it on and around Jordie’s mouth before Jordie has a chance to protest.

Jordie smiles and ends up with lip gloss inside his mouth. Max wrinkles his nose.

“Yuck, Jordie! You not ‘poshta eat it!” Max giggles.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t put it in my mouth!” Jordie grabs Max and tickles him until he’s shrieking and begging for him to stop.

Jamie notices for the first time that Max, Jordie, and Jason’s nails are all green.

“When did you guys paint your nails?” He asks, looking at Jordie.

Jordie glances down at them and Max wiggles free from his grip. “The other day. Max asked us to do his and then he wanted us to do ours. I kinda like it actually.” Jordie wiggles his fingers.

Jamie looks down at his bare nails. When he looks back up, Jason is smirking at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Want me to do yours?” he asks. “I think I’ve still got the polish in my truck.”

Jamie nods and Jason gets up and goes to grab it. Jamie doesn’t know if Tyler will even care that he painted his nails, but he’s willing to do anything to show him that he really does like him for who he is. Tyler may not be interested in Jamie the way Jamie is interested in Tyler, but Jamie cares about his feelings either way. He’d rather see Tyler happy than anything else.

Jason returns a few minutes later holding a bottle of nail polish. He sits in front of Jamie and begins to paint his nails carefully. Max stops what he’s doing and comes over to watch.

“Can you do mine?” he asks, sticking his fingers in Jason’s face.

Jason bites at them and grins when Max screams and pulls his hand away.

“We already did yours, bud. Remember? They still look pretty.”

Max pouts and says, “Kay,” before sitting down on Jamie’s lap and sighing loudly.

Jamie can’t hold back his chuckle. “Maybe if you’re good, Uncle Jason will paint your toes.”

Max lights up and looks at Jason.

“When I’m done with Jamie’s we can paint your toes, okay?” Max nods enthusiastically.

Jamie hears the front door open again. “I’m home!” Tyler calls out.

Jordie gets up and stops Tyler at the doorway, pushing him into the hallway. They’re gone for a few minutes, long enough for Jason to finish Jamie’s fingernails and move onto Max’s toes.

Tyler and Jordie both seem to be in good spirits when they come back into the living room and Jamie wishes he knew what they had talked about. He’s got a pretty good idea that Jordie was asking about Max’s clothes, but there’s a voice in his head saying it could be something else.

“What’s going on in here?” Tyler asks, looking around at the mess they’ve made.

“I’m gettin’ pretty!” Max smiles at Tyler and Jamie’s heart jumps at the look Tyler gives Max.

Tyler crouches down next to Max, inspecting his toenails.

“Very pretty, baby!” Tyler smiles appreciatively.

“Look at my Jamie! He got pretty too!”

Tyler looks at Jamie’s hands and his mouth parts slightly. He sits incredibly still for a beat, eyes locked on Jamie’s hands.  After a moment, he looks Jamie in the eye and Jamie can see his lip tremble and instantly reaches out to him. Tyler quickly folds himself into Jamie’s arms, tucking his head in his shoulder and Jamie tentatively wraps his arms around Tyler. He feels like his heart is in his throat and he’s not sure he could speak without crying.

Jason stands up and holds his hand out for Max. “Come on, bud. Let’s go play outside so Daddy and Jamie can talk, okay?”

Jamie looks up at Jason gratefully. He had kind of forgotten anyone else was in the room.

Max looks at Tyler. “Daddy shad?”

Tyler lifts his head up and tries to wipe away some tears. “Daddy’s okay, baby. Just go outside with Uncle Jason and Uncle Jordie, okay?”

Max doesn’t seem convinced, but he nods and grabs Jason’s hand anyway. Jordie leads them out of the house and Tyler returns his head to Jamie’s shoulder.

They don’t say anything for a while. Jamie just holds Tyler while he cries and slowly rocks him back and forth, tightening his arms around him as if he can literally hold him together.

After a while, Tyler pulls away and sits up.

As he’s wiping away the last of the tears, he laughs and looks at Jamie. “Sorry I’m such a fucking mess.”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “You’re not a mess, Tyler. You’re allowed to have feelings, you know.”

“I cry all the fucking time, Jamie. I’m kind of a disaster.”

Tyler is looking at Jamie’s hands again. He reaches out and runs his finger over Jamie’s thumbnail, lightly stroking the fresh polish. Jamie watches him quietly, waiting for him to say something.

Tyler’s voice comes out raw. “This is – thanks, Jamie. You didn’t have to do this. You can take it off if you want, you know.”

Jamie scoffs. “I just put this on. I won’t be taking it off for a while.”

Tyler finally looks up to meet Jamie’s eyes. Tyler’s are watery again, but he’s smiling.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Jamie nods. There’s about a million things Jamie wants to say right now, but he doesn’t allow himself to say any of them. Tyler is still rubbing his fingers over Jamie’s nail and all Jamie can think about is the warmth of Tyler’s hands on his.

“I told Jordie,” Tyler says, as his thumb moves back and forth on Jamie’s. “I figured it was only fair.”

“You didn’t have to,” Jamie says softly, but he’s glad that Tyler did.

Tyler looks up and smiles. “I wanted to.”

Max chooses that moment to come barreling back into the house, shrieking, “Daddy! Daddy! They gonna catch me!”

He runs and jumps into Tyler’s arms, sticking his head under Tyler’s sweatshirt to hide. Jamie laughs and Jason comes in the house a moment later.

“Sorry, we got a little carried away with tag.” He looks back and forth between them. “Everything okay?”

Jamie glances at Tyler, who gives a short nod.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Jamie says.

Jordie comes back inside and gives Jamie a _you good?_ look. Jamie feels his chest tighten, but he nods at Jordie anyway.

///

They win their game the next night in Chicago and Tyler gets a video message from the nanny that is just ten seconds of Max shrieking. He shows Jamie and they watch it over and over until Jason threatens to break Tyler’s phone.

“I love your kid dude, but I don’t wanna listen to him scream,” Jason says as he rubs his temples. Drama queen.

Tyler makes a show of rolling his eyes at Jason, but he turns off the video anyway.

Jordie comes over and kicks Tyler’s foot. “You goin’ out with us tonight?” He looks at Jamie, too. “You know, since you don’t have kid duty tonight.”

Tyler seems to be waiting for Jamie to answer, so Jamie just nods. “Sure. You wanna go, Ty?” Jamie nudges his arm.

“Hell yeah,” Tyler says, grinning.

They quickly get changed and head out, making their way to a favorite spot downtown. They somehow manage to snag a few tables, mostly because two tables of guys recognize Tyler and practically force the team into their table.

“Well, god. I didn’t know we were traveling with a _celebrity_ ,” Sharpy says, grinning.

Tyler shoves him, his face flushed.

Jason and Antoine come to the table, both holding incredibly large trays of shots. Tyler immediately reaches for one of each kind and downs them in quick succession. Jamie is going to have to keep an eye on him tonight, but he’s glad Tyler is letting loose a bit.

Tyler keeps throwing back shots and Jamie sips at his beer, not really caring that it’s basically gone warm. He can’t drag his eyes away from Tyler’s throat as he swallows shot after shot.

After downing his own ludicrous number of shots, Jason drags Tyler to the dance floor. Jamie can’t tear his eyes away from Tyler and the way his body moves to the music. Jamie’s fists tighten when he sees a girl dance up to Tyler, but he quickly calms down when Tyler shakes the girl off.

Eventually, Jamie gets dragged into a conversation by Goose and Kari and he takes his eyes off Tyler. He isn’t sure how much time passes, but eventually Tyler ends up back at their table, basically climbing into Jamie’s lap.

Blushing, Jamie slides Tyler off his legs and onto the booth seat. Tyler is still leaning heavily on Jamie, so Jamie wraps his arm around him to keep him vertical.

Tyler mumbles something into Jamie’s chest and Jamie bumps him off.

“What’d you say?”

He doesn’t expect to get a real response, but Tyler lifts his head to Jamie’s ear and whispers, “You know how when I came here I was really fucked up? But like now I’m better?”

He pulls his head back to make sure Jamie heard him. Jamie nods at him, unsure of where this is going.

Tyler leans back to his ear. “It’s ‘cause of you.”

It’s Jamie who leans away this time, his heart racing. He can’t tell if Tyler’s joking or if he really even understands what Tyler is trying to say.

“What do you mean?” Jamie asks. He can feel his hands getting sweaty and tries to wipe them off.

“I’m better with you. And I know you don’t love me back, but just having you here is enough.” Tyler is whispering really quietly now and Jamie is straining to hear him.

Before Jamie can say anything, Jason walks up and drags Tyler back to the dance floor. Tyler glances back at Jamie, but doesn’t say anything. Jamie is frozen in place, his mind still reeling. He watches Tyler dancing with Jason, trying to figure out if Tyler actually said what Jamie thinks he said.

Jordie walks up after a minute and waves his hand in front of Jamie’s face.

“Earth to Chubbs. Come back down to the planet, dude.” Jordie’s joking, but Jamie can see that he’s concerned.

“What’s wrong, Jamie?” Jordie asks after a moment.

“I -” Jamie looks around. He suddenly feels smothered. “Can we go outside for a minute?”

Jordie nods and Jamie follows him out the back door and onto a patio. There’s significantly less people out here and Jamie can see his breath in the cool night air.

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost, dude?”

“Tyler…Tyler just told me he loves me. I think?” Jamie isn’t sure that he heard Tyler right. The music was loud and Tyler was whispering and Jamie probably heard him wrong, but there’s a huge part of him that hopes he didn’t.

Jordie doesn’t look surprised at all. “Are you telling me you didn’t already know this, Chubbs? How could you not?”

“Come on, Jordie. It’s _Tyler._ He’s just hammered. I’m probably reading too much into this, right? It was just something he said when he was drunk.”

“Well, it sounds like you’ve made your mind up. What do you need me for?” Jordie looks irritated.

“Advice! You’re my big brother!” Jamie doesn’t understand why Jordie is being a dick.

“You want my advice? Grow a pair and tell the kid you love him. Then go have hot rabbit sex until you both pass out from exhaustion and then live happily ever after with your gorgeous boyfriend and his cute as fuck kid.” Jordie is grinning.

Jamie sighs. Jordie always makes everything sound so _easy._ “But how do you know, Jordie? I don’t wanna fuck up my friendship with him.”

Their conversation is interrupted when they hear a noise from inside, like someone has knocked something over, followed by shouting. They both rush back in to see Jason punching some guy in the face.

“What the fuck?!” Jordie gets over to Jason just in time to grab the guy’s arm before it hits Jason’s face.

“Back the fuck off, dude.” Jordie crowds himself into the guys face, glaring right into his eyes.

The guy gives Jordie a look of disgust and pulls his fist back.

“Whatever, fags.” The guy turns to walk away and Jordie goes to follow him, but Jamie grabs his shirt and yanks him back.

Jamie looks at Jason, whose mouth is bleeding profusely.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jamie feels himself sliding into captain mode.

“He was giving me and Tyler shit ‘cause we were dancing together and we painted our nails.”

Jamie looks around quickly. “Where’s Tyler?”

“Uh, I’m not sure. I kinda lost track of him.” Jason says.

“Fuck.” Jamie feels his heart race. He makes his way back to their table, but doesn’t see Tyler there. He asks the guys that are still left, but none of them have seen him. He tries to call Tyler, but his phone goes straight to voicemail.

Jordie and Jason walk over to Jamie.

“You find him yet?” Jordie asks.

“No! Fuck, what if something happened to him?” Jamie doesn’t even want to think about the possibilities.

“Relax, Jamie. He’s a professional hockey player, he can take care of himself,” Jordie says, putting his hand on Jamie’s shoulder.

Jamie shakes him off.

“He’s not like you and me, Jordie! He doesn’t fight. We have to find him.” Jamie’s chest feels tight and he can feel his blood pressure rising.

Jason stands between them.

“Okay guys, let’s split up. Jordie, go check out front, see if he went out to get some air. Jamie, go check the bathrooms.”

Jamie practically sprints to the bathroom, pushing past the line of people. They shout at him, but he just ignores them. He’s big enough that he doesn’t think any of them will give him any trouble and he can take them if they do.

He opens the door and it takes him about two seconds to find Tyler. He’s sitting on the floor in one of the stalls. He feels himself let out a huge breath.

Jamie hurries over to him and lifts him up into a standing position.

“That floor is fucking disgusting, Ty. Come on, let’s get you home.”

Tyler grabs Jamie’s arm as they walk out. “I couldn’t – I left Jason alone. I couldn’t do that. Not again.”

Jamie runs a soothing hand up and down Tyler’s arm, not really sure of what he’s talking about.

“I think he understands, babe.”

Jamie drags Tyler out of the bathroom and spots Jordie coming back into the bar. He flags him down to help hold Tyler up.

“Where was he?” Jordie asks.

“Bathroom. He, uh…” Jamie doesn’t know what to tell Jordie.

“I bailed on Jason because I’m a piece of shit,” Tyler supplies.

Jamie grits his teeth. “Dammit, Tyler. No, you’re not. You got scared. It happens and I don’t think Jason is really that upset about it. He got to have a fight and he didn’t have to go to the penalty box for it. He’s on fucking cloud nine.”

Jason catches up to them and takes Tyler from Jordie.

“Hey, you okay?” Jason looks worried.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just…sorry I bailed on you, dude.” Tyler hangs his head.

Jason laughs and puts his hand up. “Dude, no. I beat the SHIT out of that dude. This is the best night ever!”

Tyler looks at Jamie.

“I told you so,” Jamie practically sings. His heart jumps when Tyler grins at him.

They somehow make it back to the hotel in one piece. Jordie and Jason say their goodnights and retreat into their room. Jamie leads Tyler to his room and helps him inside.

He gets Tyler undressed and in bed and turns to leave.

“Jamie?” Tyler’s voice is muffled.

 “Yeah?” Jamie knows what’s coming next, but there’s a part of him that hopes he’s wrong.

There’s a pause.

“Can you stay?”

Jamie sleeping next to Tyler is apparently a Thing now and Jamie isn’t sure how much longer he can continue this without doing something stupid, but Tyler sounds so small and sad that Jamie doesn’t stand a chance.

“Yeah, I’ll stay.”

Jamie gets undressed and crawls into Tyler’s bed. Tyler wraps himself around Jamie immediately.

Jamie chuckles and wraps his arm around Tyler, pulling him closer. “This is becoming a habit, you know.”

 “S’okay with me,” Tyler mumbles.

“Yeah, me too,” Jamie whispers.

As he lies there, Jamie hears Tyler’s breathing slow.

Jamie decides not to talk to Tyler about their conversation at the bar. Tyler was drunk and had dealt with a lot that night. It was just better this way.

Still, he wakes up in Tyler’s bed, with Tyler wrapped around him. Maybe Jordie was right.

Tyler stirs and tightens his grip on Jamie.  Jamie hesitantly runs his fingers through Tyler’s hair.

After a few moments, Tyler finally opens his eyes.

“Morning,” Jamie says quietly.

“Mmm,” Tyler mumbles back.

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding,” Tyler manages.

Jamie digs his fingers deeper into Tyler’s scalp, massaging it. Tyler closes his eyes and lets out a soft moan and Jamie pauses for a second before continuing to rub Tyler’s head.

A few moments pass before Jamie stops petting Tyler and slides himself up into more of a sitting position, careful not to jostle Tyler too much.

“Hey,” Jamie says softly.

Tyler looks up at him.

“Can we talk?”

Tyler stiffens.

“Relax,” Jamie says as he begins to trail his fingers up and down Tyler’s neck. “It’s not bad. I don’t think. I just wanna be on the same page here.”

“Okay,” Tyler says hesitantly. He still hasn’t relaxed.

“I just…” Jamie isn’t sure how to say this. He’s in Tyler’s hotel room, in his bed with him, and he still can’t bring himself to admit how he feels. This is not how bros act, so Tyler must feel something more, but Jamie can’t shake the fear inside him.

“You don’t have to do this,” Tyler says quietly. Tyler starts to pull away and before he can stop himself, Jamie blurts “I love you.”

Tyler’s eyes widen and he freezes.

“You…Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Jamie.”

“I fucking mean it, Tyler. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to say something, but I’m tired of waiting. I love you and I want to be with you and I hope you want the same thing.”

Tyler laughs. “Of course I do, stupid.”

Jamie can see tears forming in Tyler’s eyes as he leans in to bring his mouth to Tyler’s. He pauses a few inches away, letting Tyler close the gap.

Kissing Tyler is different than what Jamie would have expected. He expected it to be dirty and rough, like Tyler couldn’t restrain himself. Instead, it’s like coming home. Like he’s doing what he’s always been meant to do.

Jamie relaxes into the kiss immediately and pulls Tyler into his lap. They stay like that for a while, Jamie trailing his fingers up and down Tyler’s back as they make out, slow and sweet.

Finally, Jamie breaks the kiss and grins at Tyler.

“That was kind of awesome,” Tyler says.

“Yeah, I could get used to that,” Jamie says, and giggles.

He grabs Tyler’s hand and squeezes it. “Hey, I just wanna make sure you know that I’m willing to go at your pace with this. With everything.”

Tyler smiles before he nods and says, “Thanks. That means a lot, Jamie.”

They lie in bed for as long as they can, but eventually they have to get up and catch their plane. Jamie really just wants to stay in bed with Tyler forever.

The team has a grueling back to back game schedule over the next two days, so they don’t spend much time alone together. Jamie has all but moved into Tyler’s house and their days are full of Max, hockey, and sleeping.

They spend their next off day taking Max to the zoo, a spur of the moment idea by Jamie.

“It’ll tire him out,” Jamie had told Tyler. “And give us some alone time when he crashes later.”

That was all the convincing Tyler needed. Jason and Jordie tagged along and the five of them spent the whole day at the zoo, petting goats and feeding giraffes. Max ran from exhibit to exhibit, squealing in excitement or hiding behind Jordie’s legs when he got scared.

By the time they had seen every exhibit in the zoo, Max was falling asleep atop Jordie’s shoulders.

“Dude, you got popsicle in your hair,” Jason tells Jordie, pointing to a spot where Max had drooled.

“Yeah? You’ve got it all over your face,” Jordie laughs as Jason quickly wipes his mouth.

Jamie pokes Jason in the ribs and says, “Sometimes I don’t know who’s the bigger kid, Max or you.”

That earns him a punch in the shoulder. They make their way back to the car and head home, tired and tanned from the sun.

Tyler manages to keep Max awake long enough to feed him some dinner, but when Max nearly face plants his macaroni, Tyler gives up and takes him up to bed.

Tyler comes back downstairs less than a minute later and leans on the doorframe to the living room. Jamie looks up from his phone.

“What’s up?”

“He won’t go to bed unless you tuck him in, too,” Tyler says, smiling softly.

Jamie bites his lip to keep from grinning, but he can’t help himself. He gets up and heads towards the stairs, grabbing Tyler’s hand on his way out and pulling him along.

They finally get to Max’s room and find him conked out on the bed, still halfway sitting up. Jamie looks over at Tyler and almost can’t handle the look on his face. Tyler looks at Max like he’s the best thing that ever happened to him and it makes Jamie love him that much more.

Tyler quietly walks over to Max’s bed and tries to slide him down under his covers. Max wakes up and squints his eyes at Tyler.

“Where’sh my Jamie?” he asks sleepily.

“He’s right over there, baby. He came to help Daddy tuck you in,” Tyler whispers.

Jamie takes that as his cue to head over to Max’s bed. He sits on the bed next Max and pulls the covers up to his chin. Tyler is watching him from the other side of the bed.

“Want a story tonight, buddy?” Jamie asks Max as he lightly strokes his hair.

“Yesh,” Max says.

“Yes what?” Tyler chimes in.

“Yesh pease,” Max says quickly.

Jamie smiles at him and nods. “Okay, which one should we do?” He grabs the stack of books that are on Max’s nightstand and lays them out on the bed. Max picks _Goodnight Moon._

“Ooh, Maxie. This one’s my favorite, you know,” Tyler says, pulling up one of Max’s stools next to the bed and sitting on it.

“Do you want me to read it or do you want Daddy to?” Jamie asks.

“Read it to me and Daddy, pease,” Max says and he grabs Tyler’s hand. Tyler gives Jamie a soft look and smiles.

“Okay,” Jamie says and begins to read.

They barely make it halfway through the book before Max is fast asleep, his hand still curled around two of Tyler’s fingers. Jamie stops reading for a moment, but Tyler motions for him to continue before using his free hand to lightly pet Max’s hair.

Jamie finishes the book a minute later and sets it softly on the nightstand. He watches Tyler watching Max, his heart practically bursting with love for both of them.

Tyler gives Max a quick kiss on the head and gets up, extracting his fingers from Max’s tiny hands. Jamie gives Max a kiss and follows Tyler out of the bedroom, leaving the door cracked behind him.

As he follows Tyler out of the room, Jamie reaches out and pinches his butt, causing Tyler to let out a yelp.

“Shh. Come on, Ty. Max is asleep.” Jamie grabs Tyler by the hips and drags him closer, their bodies flush against each other.

Tyler swallows hard. “Yeah, okay.”

Jamie furrows his brow. “We don’t have to, Ty. I promised we’d go at your pace for this and I meant it.”

Tyler shakes his head. “No, I’m just nervous.” He laughs.

Jamie grins and dips his head down to kiss Tyler. Jamie feels Tyler’s whole body relax as Jamie wraps his arms around his waist, somehow pulling them closer together. They stay like that for what feels like hours, making out in the entryway like they’ve got all the time in the world.

Tyler breaks the kiss and grabs Jamie’s hand, pulling him down the hall. They make it halfway to Tyler’s room before Jamie corners Tyler and presses him against the wall, trailing kisses up and down his neck and leaving him breathing hard. When Jamie finally pulls away again, Tyler’s face is flushed and his eyes are bright. He drags Tyler the rest of the way to his room.

Jamie grabs Tyler by the waist and kisses him, dirty and rough. Tyler moans into his mouth and Jamie reaches to pull his shirt off. He walks Tyler backwards, kissing him as they get closer to the bed. Jamie misjudges the distance to the bed and he and Tyler go tumbling onto it, laughing as they fall.

Jamie cages Tyler beneath him and bites at his neck hard. Tyler grabs him by the arms and rolls them over so that he’s on top of Jamie. Jamie raises his eyebrows.

“Does it surprise you?” Tyler asks, smirking.

“What?”

“That I like to be on top? I know it seems like the opposite of what I’d want but –,”

“Whatever you want, baby. I’m here for whatever.” Jamie means it. Just being with Tyler is enough for him.

“Whatever I want?” Tyler asks. He looks thoughtful for a moment and crawls off Jamie. He walks over to his dresser and pulls something out, hiding it behind his back and sidestepping to the bathroom.

“I’ll be right back. I just wanna – I’ll be right back.” Tyler sneaks into the bathroom and shuts the door, the lock clicking behind him.

Jamie readjusts his dick in his jeans and waits for Tyler, scrolling through his phone while he does. He’s painfully hard and ready to get on with it, but Tyler is taking forever. Jamie checks the clock and notices that Tyler has been gone for ten minutes. He slides off the bed and walks to the bathroom door, knocking softly.

“Ty? Everything okay in there?”

There’s a pause and then Jamie hears Tyler softly say, “No.”

“What’s wrong? Let me in, Ty.” He tries the door, but it’s locked.

“I can’t.”

Jamie’s stomach turns. “Come on, Tyler. Let me in so I can help you. You’re scaring me.”

The lock clicks open.

Jamie pauses and takes a breath before opening the door. He walks in and finds Tyler on the floor, surrounded by makeup and clothes. His head is in his hands and Jamie can hear him crying softly.

“Oh, Ty.” Jamie sits on the floor next to him and pulls him in close. He pets his hair and rocks him slowly.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Tyler looks up at him and Jamie can see traces of makeup on his face. Oh.

“I wanted to be pretty for you. I wanted to be myself when we were together the first time, but I just couldn’t do it Jamie. I’m not ready!” He dissolves in sobs, his whole body shaking against Jamie’s.

“Shh, Ty, it’s okay, honey. We can wait. I don’t wanna do anything you aren’t ready for.”

“But I don’t know what’s wrong!” Tyler says in between sobs. “You know already! I don’t know why I can’t show you.”

“It’s a big step, baby. It’s probably gonna take some time, but I don’t expect anything out of you, okay?”

Tyler nods into Jamie’s chest.

“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll go downstairs and watch a movie and eat way too much popcorn and ice cream. Does that sound good?”

Tyler pulls away and looks at Jamie in awe. “I don’t deserve you. You’re too good to me.”

Jamie shakes his head. “You have to stop saying that. You deserve the world.”

He stands up and pulls Tyler off the floor. They clean the makeup and tears off Tyler’s face and he changes into sweats before they head downstairs. Jamie makes a bag of popcorn as Tyler picks something on TV to watch.

Jamie gets himself situated on the couch and Tyler crawls in between his legs and snuggles into his chest, his head resting right above Jamie’s heart. Jamie feeds him popcorn for a while, alternating between that and eating some himself. Once the popcorn is gone, Jamie slides down and tucks a pillow under his head before wrapping his arms around Tyler. He pets through Tyler’s hair and smiles to himself as he watches Tyler doze off. Jamie falls asleep not long after.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe someday i'll write something that doesn't have tyelr crying in it every five minutes
> 
> this has probably got one or two more chapters to go! (i've already got a follow up fic planned lol)
> 
> would LOVE your comments/screaming about e!tyler/whatever
> 
> href="http://dartheighter.tumblr.com/">holla at me
> 
> thanks (as always) to [steph](http://wheelofdawn.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this :)


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